An emergency, they call it.
Words like "blindsided" and "shocked" make cameo appearances
Across the cracked screen
As I read the message again,
Trying to make it make sense.
I get it,
I've made myself unavailable time and time again.
I folded you into the depths of my silence and turned away.
I left.
I get it. I really do.
But it's not for nothing that I dismissed the notification
Lighting up my dark bedroom at midnight
On your birthday again this year
Without deleting the reminder for the next one.
It's not an accident
That I don't celebrate mother's day, father's day, Christmas, your birthdays.
It's wasn't my work or the visa keeping me here,
Without so much as a visit, all these years.
A man with a beard neglects a dog
Who finds itself unable to live in a home with bearded men again.
I do not know why
I was so easy
To discard.
I endured years of being seen through,
When I wasn't busy
being the butt of your jokes.
I endured your mockery
Because I thought that's what love was.
And when I became too inconvienent
To keep track of,
I let you let me go
Without protest.
Maybe there is some
Inherent trait of mine
That made me easier to forget.
Maybe there is something wrong inside me
That makes me easy to discard.
