This poem you say is a slang poem, but I see that it could have easily been turned into a depression poem or dark if you would have just not taken some shortcuts and put "and" instead of "n" and used "s" instead of "z". I like the overall poem though. It had a good idea, I just don't think it got the respect it deserved cause it was put in slang instead of just normal dialogue. 4/5 kilman
I liked what you tried to do -- but it could have been better -- but I think purposely misspelling some of the words with the letter "z" instead of "s" acknowledges your youth -- a lot of younger people use this speech when chatting -- so, it seems as if the poem is directed toward younger readers -- you want your poetry to speak to all ages and misspelling words, even though you did it purposely, will not allow you to do that! Poetry should rolloff of the tongue and misspelling words can tongue that readers and they get aggravated and stop reading -- you don't want that! You want to make it easy for them to read while simultaneously making your point and expressing get in a beautiful manner -- with some changes it could be an excellent award-winning poem! If you would care to know what I would do, e-mail me! Please don't be offended -- I just love poetry!