I'm really glad I've read this. It was so good. And, sometimes it's hard to find a good poem about kids that are really going through tough stuff. You did a wonderful job on this. Not a thing I would change! Keep it up! 5/5
"We, nor a slave nor to play"
Improper use of 'nor' has made this line really confusing. Does it mean "We are neither a slave nor to play"? I'm not sure what that is supposed to mean.
"Our life deserves more than media attention
Everyday our bodies grow more lifeless"
I thought life and lifeless were used too closely together, and that detracted from the rhythm of the poem by sounding awkward.
"Our heart hopes for better days
Hoping that day is today"
same problem as above only with hope and hoping. how about replacing hope with yearn?
Very nice poem, excellent imagery and rhyming.
Awww.. i think im gonna cry.. this was soo sad.. i think i might write a poem about this too.. if we all do, then maybe some people will pay attention.. this was really well written.. and it really touched my heart..
We are neither a slave nor to play
^ i dont think this really makes sense.. or if it does, i dont understand..
nice job, very well written write with a lot of meaning! 5/5
Oh, oh wow, I like this a lot! Such a delicate topic and written so well! I fin this to be a very sad poem...especially the last two stanzas. I keep picturing the poor children with a terrible look of sorrow on their poor little faces.
That's a very sad poem and definitely an eye opener. It seems to have captured emotions of helplesness and hope all at the same time. Great job on this. Flow, rhythm, wording, rhyme, it was all good. 5/5