Comments : Day Gives Way to Night

  • 17 years ago

    by Walter Krijthe

    I like what you wrote, but suggest you rewrite it in shorter lines, it doesn't really look like a poem now - something like:

    As I lie in
    peaceful daydreams
    upon the hill
    a gentle breeze blows by
    with the scent
    of wildflowers
    basking in the sun

    etc

    play with it a bit, my example is not necessarily the best way ;)