Comments : Lustful Eyes

  • 12 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    I liked this, I thought it was sweet.
    I enjoyed the rhyme scheme, wording and flow.
    I really enjoyed the imagery in this.
    I have nothing bad at all to say about this.
    5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by Simple Sensation

    Great read! I really like the rhyme scheme you had going. The words used, and the flow were great! :)It was sweet and made you want to go "awww". keep it up! xx

  • 12 years ago

    by Anonymous

    Oh wow, this is AWESOME! I thought it was pretty nice. I would give constructive critique, but I'm a little dim-witted and don't find anything wrong with this.

  • 12 years ago

    by BrokenREALiTy

    This was very good .
    The flow was good and nice choice of words . The rhyming too . just loved it .
    I don`t have anything bad to sey .
    ..ღ__MiNDYY

  • 12 years ago

    by -Usmi-

    Uve expressed everything very well .. keep it on . 5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by BlueDreams

    Nothing to say with this, such a beautiful penned you potray here, simply yet well ryhme, creative yet flowed with beautiful emotions penned..awesome!

  • 12 years ago

    by SCARECROW

    Ah, the good old parquette. You've done it plenty of justice; I liked the flow, it wasn't at all forced, and the imagery you used is vivid and descriptive. A truly enjoyable read.

  • 12 years ago

    by steve

    Great poem and i dont know anything about poetry lol i just write it...parquette, ill have to try it

  • 12 years ago

    by Sweet lig

    Hmmm i like it, i like the way u write it was so sweet. the line are great and im so inspire! great job 5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by N J Thornton

    This was good. It's refreshing to see someone being creative with format, furthermore it worked. Honestly, i enjoyed it and can find little to say critisism wise. What I will say however is that you could maybe cut down on the use of "eyes." I realise it's about "lustful eyes" but it seemed to become a tad overused within the poem by the time I reached the end.
    Also, I'm sorry but I couldn't take the second line of the first stanza seriously. It's just as I read it, I had the image of eye balls falling down onto you, rather than eyes glancing upon you...maybe it's something else you want to take a look at. Anyway all in all a good write. Thanks for sharing.

  • 12 years ago

    by Twisted Heart

    A Parquette:

    It has four stanzas, each containing four lines.The first line of the poem is repeated in every stanza as the first line. Each line except the first has 10-12 syllables. The rhyme scheme is "AbcaAbcbAcbcAbcc"

    Each line except the first has 10-12 syllables. This poem does not carry the true definition of a parquette.

    I'm not trying to be mean or short with you, just wanted to bring that to your attention. You did, after all, ask for a critique.

    The last line of the first stanza didn't make much sense to me. I don't know if it was the way it was worded or if it was the way I read it.

    Although the poem, as a whole, was nicely written, there were a few too many usages of the word eyes.

    Lustful eyes scan the night.
    Thy tender innocence on display,
    Jealous hearts about to break,
    as it's only my lovers name I shall say.

    The line above, though not in correct parquette form, was my favorite one. The flow and word usage was wonderful and the message heartfelt and clear.

    Overall, the poem was one I enjoyed reading. I hope I wasn't too hard on you. If I offended you, feel free to rip one of my poems apart.

    Happiness
    jeannie

  • 12 years ago

    by ASPHYXIATED

    I enjoyed readin this one.
    It painted a picture in my head and the repetition really made it strong. its good to see people trying different styles of poetry.
    Good work. =]

  • 12 years ago

    by Cindy

    I am not anyone to know the forms of poetry. I loved this it was really beautiful! Great job! Take Care Cindy

  • 12 years ago

    by firexdancer

    That was beautiful, it flowed together perfectly, it really is just like a picture
    "Lustful eyes scan the night.
    Thy tender innocence on display,
    Jealous hearts about to break,
    as it's only my lovers name I shall say"
    it was so sweet,
    beautiful

  • 12 years ago

    by LithiumSacrifice

    Wow. very very nicely done. good job you! yes, the "lustful eyes scan the night" is quite eye catching. my fav stanza would have to be "Lustful eyes scan the night.
    Thy tender innocence on display,
    Jealous hearts about to break,
    as it's only my lovers name I shall say"

    well done. =]

  • 12 years ago

    by Tricky Daze

    I didn't know anything about that style but i liked it,the flow and wording were great but one thing confused me.what is 'thy' in the first stanza second line
    Other than that well done
    Keep it up

  • 12 years ago

    by BrixGoesxRawr

    Wow, Hun. This was so amazing. I've never heard of this style.. But i'm deffinitley going to have to try it. It flowed so well & the choice of words were excellent. The repitition of that line.. Really brought the poem together, you couldn't have chose better words for that. :]

    Lustful eyes scan the night.
    Thy tender innocence on display,
    Jealous hearts about to break,
    as it's only my lovers name I shall say.

    ^ Deffinitley my favorite stanza.. So beatuiful. The imagery in this poem is amazing.

    Beautifully penned, babe.

    Bri [x]