The emotion is raw and the feelings inside are so strong, the imagery is great also, i felt as if i was there

First, I can really relate to this poem. I know exactly how it feels to wonder if i should ask for help or just lie there and die. You used a lot of emotion. I was a bit confused because some thing rhymed and some things didn't.

I got the blade in my hand,
Ready to press it on my wrist.
I got tears in my eyes
And I'm thinking about suicide.
^^both I's should be I've

And bleed till I die.
^^um, till should be either until or 'til

I won't be missed by no one.
^^no one I think would sound better as anyone

Okay other thank those little mistakes I really enjoyed read it. I hope this comment helps you out! You did a great job writing this! Keep it up!

Keep writing!
Cayce

Yep yep. you have definatly inproved from when you first started writing. this is much better. more everything. the poem is more whole. you have mastered the art of being a poet.

great write! 5/5 David

This is really intence. I really hope you dont do that though!

keep on writing!

I love how you are trying to capture the intense feelings of someone who is comitting suicide because it makes a powerful poem and that is what I would love to see you make this one into. It is a good poem, but like so many others I have read on this topic (not an insult) even like a few I wrote in my earlier days. I want to see this poem come alive, and make me feel this person's pain.

One way I try to do this in my own writing is with adjectives (discription words) and a larger vocabulary Ex:

I have the shimmery matialic blade in my shaking hand,
ready to press it up against my soft delicate wrist.
I have tears spilling out of my glassy eyes,
because all I can comtemplate is my own sucide.

This is just an example I did now without a lot of thought, but it gives you the idea. I think these tactics would make your poetry a lot stronger anc help you convey the emotion you are trying to.

Also, figurative lauguage helps in a poem, similes, metaphores and personification being some of the most basic. Ex:

I have the shimmery metalic blade in my hand,
reflective like the serface of a lake in the moonlight.

Ex 2:So I'll lay here in my crimsion blood,
dripping like water from the heavens on a stormy day.

Again, just a few basic things that could really spice up your writing and bring it to live. You don't have to take any of the suggestions, they are just some ideas I thought might help you express yourself even more poeticly. Good luck.

-Tainted Miko (Eleesa)

I would miss you just so you know

Hey I really like the emotion you conveyed here. I say despite what anyone says, keep it just the way it is. Don't write for anyone else...write for yourself.

Omg!! that i really good..i can so relate to the poem

Don't become emo :O Being a emo is bad and really doesn't help anything and I don't know what the hell I'm talking about.

Thats an excellent poem, keep writing. take kare x x x

Nice poem, very well written. plz comment mine 4/5

Very nice poem. I love it.

That is a great poem!!!

This was a very, intense, emotional poem for me
it relates to mebecause sometimes i feel liek that
i almost died from cutting my wrists i did it the bathroom one time and i cut so deep...all the blood poured into the toilet and when i saw i was in shock that i did that so i screamed and my friend ran from my room into the bathroom and called 911
your a great poem
and i want you to know that i care...your important...so please i hope u do not do this!! <33