Me: Behind every successful man, theres a woman looking really surprised

My boyfriend: Behind every successful woman, theres a man pulling the strings.

(found on pub wall)

Ever notice that a man's favourite sport usually involves balls...

Alcohol doesnt make you fat... it makes you Lean... on tables, chairs, random ugly people, the floor....

Thanks to my besty mate Li... with the help of my bf

i may be guilty of original sin... but he started it!

I'll have what the guy on the floor is having

Alcohol...because fat people need to get laid to

The doctor told me to watch my drink..... so i found a bar with a mirror.

1 tequila
2 tequila
3 tequila
more
5 tequila
6 tequila
7 tequila
floor!

(my mate said this to me when i was giving him the evils... hehe)

stop looking at me in that tone of voice, it smells a funny colour...

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.