Comments : All my fault

  • 8 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "It hurts now
    like it does every day.
    The fact that I'm here
    and they are there doesn't escape my mind."

    - Hm, I wonder who "they" are? Your family, friends?

    "I want to quit,
    want to say "screw this sh*t"
    so I can have my life back.
    Responsibility you can kiss my inner cheek.
    I just want to go home to mother's arms
    and feel her hug me one more time."

    - A very honest stanza, which I respect. Whatever your reasons for wanting to return home, there's that innocence in beauty as all of us may have at one point wanted to go back to that childhood, where a hug from a parent could make the pain less and dry our tears.

    - Comma after "Responsibility"?

    "I'm a daughter, and I miss them so much
    days have passed on by."

    - Ah, now I know "them" is your parents? I would omit the "days have passed on by" or say it in a less cliche way. And since the next line iterates the winter break and possible days/weeks spent with them, I don't feel you need this line.

    "I want to go back home, and know I'm protected and loved.
    But right now I feel like my heart is breaking...
    and it's all my fault."

    - There is such protection in home. Whether that is the place we grew up, or where we have grown to. No matter what happened or who's technically to blame, I don't (personally) think life can go on if we're always blaming ourselves.

    Sorry for your pain in any way, hope this helped get emotions out and helped with the healing process.

  • 8 years ago

    by Rheanne Lilian Drew

    Love it