Comments : Two Upon A Smile

  • 8 years ago

    by hiraeth

    I really like this piece, the beginning stanza is concise yet powerful, the buildup of contrasting ideas elicits the imagery of the cycle of life; nothingness blooms into something, and that something eventually becomes everything and that is the definition of lie, only to repeat again.

    The second stanza follows suit of that concise yet powerful verses - it follows along with what you established in the beginning stanza. This time it's less-so cylic but more linear and details the withering of a relationship denoted by the meaning behind shares smiles. The ending verse ties everything nicely.

    I think this piece can benefit from punctuation but it is not necessary because of the way you formatted it, I just think that punctuation might be able to help you emphasize certain verses or place more emphasis on certain words as you see fit.

    That said, well-written piece.