Mater.

I can sense when your heart is heavy. Not always why, but it's like the atmosphere is too thick, and I wake up a bit colder than the morning before.

I want to protect you from the evils of the storms; you want to protect me from the aftermath of airstrikes from words and memories that were locked away for so long they exploded.

We both walk on eggshells for each other, with the right intentions, though we realize sometimes we only damage each other more. I can't tell you not to feel sad, I can only reassure you that you don't face the day alone.

Sometimes I feel like the mother to you - I want your happiness more than my own. I know I have to trust, that my support is ever present, but some things I can't control. You choose your battles and I can't choose them for you nor tell you when to walk away, as much as I used to despise you for not doing so in the past.

We're so alike I wonder how our souls were formed.

It's funny how much we think of each other, obsess over the "what if I had known" vs the "what if I had never unveiled that side of me?". How we've both blamed others and ourselves too often that we've gotten dizzy between the process of letting go and forgiving.

We can't wipe away the past. We can only grow together. So please, don't apologize for the things I remember. I can't always stop the hurting or the fear that I will carry the darkness with me, but I can share with you my heart, as we try at life a bit harder each day...

and I can start to say I believe in a future of happiness that you always dreamed for me.

-
*Mater: Latin for Mother

A freewrite. My mom is very dear to me and we both want to be the peacemakers so often... this was just my heart speaking.