Now I've Met You

You don't look like you do on your MySpace page,
Twice the size and twice the stated age.
But that's all well and good in these troubled times,
As I believe cliches work out well, sometimes.
And that room behind you, well I think that must be a stately home,
Because I know you live in Doncaster, not Paris or Rome!
And now I've met you, and I know you, and I fear
Everything you own was bought from Ikea.

You don't come across like you do on Facebook.
Your manner's very sinister, and your right hand's a hook.
Your Political Compass put you somewhere near Ghandi,
But you talk the world like Hitler as you gulp down your brandy.
Although I agree that the nation's not quite on an even keel,
I don't think the major talking point is "Deal Or No Deal".
And now I've met you, compared to other folks,
I understand the following of shows like "Hollyoaks".

You don't strike me as the person I've chatted with on MSN,
I suspect you are a loonie, and we will not meet again.
But I heard from a mutual friend that you have said of me,
That I am dull and shy and paranoid, and a real misery!
So I guess it's true the internet makes you what you want to be,
With access to intelligence and to be part of any history.
We can make up personalities on these websites that are free.
But dull and sombre? You think that, really?
That's okay. This me is me.