If ever there were a cause for jealousy,
I've found it -
wrapped in our intertwined
aspirations.
And instead of letting the emotion
engulf and consume me;
instead of allowing it to overpower
my better judgment -
as my heart so aches to do -
I've chosen before and will choose again
to shun it.
Forget the tidal wave
and the other natural disasters
that could potentially ruin my unflawed,
calculated, sometimes frozen
composure.
Forget the pinched tightness
of words drawn
from a reluctant source
and staring without really
seeing.
I would rather have the false security
that remaining silent promises
than the brashly honest reality
that speaking up would bring.
Not a fact I�m proud of,
but I've always been honest
with the two of you.
(Unless you count omission
as a lie.)
Jealousy tried to find me,
but I wasn't up for a game
of Hide-and-Seek.
I didn't feel like playing Tag.
And the Jenga blocks that
Jealousy offered me
were inscribed with emotional
offers that I couldn't
muster the energy to feel.
So I turned that down as well,
forcing the rejected Jealousy
to go off in search
of another playmate.
There was a dull throb
of vague emotion
that I couldn't name
when you dropped your
figurative bomb.
Ice ran its course
through the blood in my heart
and by the time you asked
if I was okay...
I was too numb to give
a 'proper' response.
Eloquently as you put it,
I have an "amazing" capability
to push things to one side.
It's more of a curse
than the blessing you
seem to view it as.
But as long as it allows me
to be fine with this;
as long as me being fine with this
allows you to be happy
then I will be submissive and stay
