Checkered

by Poet on the Piano   Jan 1, 2011


The red-stained lark
stitched his libretto
through my brain stream,
and I was subdued in
a trance of arbitrary
sails and idiosyncrasies.

Navy polka dots sprouted
up from their stamps
and gurgled under the falls
like jumping beans.

I built lighthouses,
framed solvent hearts,
and chased the suave
cottontail, until it
nibbled my fingers
and took me to the
gala, across the tower.

Based off of this gorgeous picture:
http://d-e-v-i.deviantart.com/art/Sweet-Dreams-66077872?q=boost%3Apopular+beautiful+animals&qo=94

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Latest Comments

  • 13 years ago

    by ghosts in bloom

    Oops, I can't nominate it, it's too old! I'm so daft sometimes. Hahah, well - I would have if I could have! (:

  • 13 years ago

    by ghosts in bloom

    I found this piece to be a really refreshing read. I was intrigued with it before even seeing the picture, and after viewing it I think you did a wonderful job interpreting it. (: The vocabulary used was absolutely lovely, and the rhythm it kept was slow, steady, and dreamlike. Very appropriate! I also ADORE the slight alliteration used throughout - subtle but alluring.

    "The red-stained lark
    stitched his libretto
    through my brain stream,
    and I was subdued in
    a trance of arbitrary
    sails and idiosyncrasies."
    -- The first two lines of this are such a great start, again: the use of vocabulary/imagery/ alliteration is so beautiful. At first I was a bit put off by your use of brain 'stream' instead of stem, as I didn't understand the change, but after viewing the picture from dA that you were depicting, I came to notice your use of 'stream' and 'sails' in reference to the water scape in the background. Love it!

    "Navy polka dots sprouted
    up from their stamps
    and gurgled under the falls
    like jumping beans."
    -- Not sure what you are referring to (as the 'navy polka dots') in this stanza, however I love the picture this sets in my mind; puts a smile on my face. (:

    "I built lighthouses,
    framed solvent hearts,
    and chased the suave
    cottontail, until it
    nibbled my fingers
    and took me to the
    gala, across the tower."
    -- I am wowed by this ending .. I'm not sure if you intended this, because if read "simply" this piece still holds its ground being a lovely dream like exploration - however with this last stanza I got a very strong underlying meaning: somewhat dark but very beautiful. Without going in to great detail, I got a sense that this girl, who in life was a vibrant lover (towards all) and dreamer, being quite lonely for a long time - and this 'cottontail' is the last dream she followed, ultimately to death 'the gala.' With this last verse I felt pride, and relief. Not sure if that 'metaphor' is what you intended at all, hahaa, but it's what I took from reading this x)

    Overall, I think this you did a magnificent job penning this! One of my favorites for sure, and I am nominating it for the weekly contest.

    Keep writing down the bones,
    Nova* RR