Comments : Be the piece of my being

  • 12 years ago

    by loi vincent

    Guys can u suggest about my poem if what is locking...

  • 12 years ago

    by loi vincent

    Guys can i ask some favor... suggest anything about my poem.. like what is lacking what sentence have wrong grammar and etc.

  • 12 years ago

    by Gone

    Hey! Your poem really shows how you feel and thats beautiful and a great start.

    I fixed up some basic grammar mistakes:

    I was sitting on the bench
    Watching people walk by
    Saying hi to my friends
    But saying nothing to that someone

    I can't control my eyes
    As she slowly passes by
    I want to say something
    But I can't, I don't know why

    My feeling for her
    Are so different than others
    To me, she's my my inspiration
    During my exams and activities in school

    Shouting I LOVE YOU is so weird
    but it is just another way of expressing our feelings
    To somebody that makes our lonely heart
    happy and feel so special in our life..

    I LOVE YOU is a strong phrase
    But For me I LOVE YOU
    Isn't just a phrase
    But also a simple way of saying THANK YOU

    Now, you should go over your poem, and try to create a stanza that rhymes, maybe every two lines, or so. Then your poem would be perfect! And maybe you can give it to this girl, I'm sure she will like it very much :)

  • 12 years ago

    by loi vincent

    @NINA O: thanks for changing the grammar mistakes... i will do my best to change it.. thnk you for appreciating my poem.. :)

  • 12 years ago

    by Georgia

    Wow your a great writer !!!
    i loved this :)
    so true 5/5 Well done x

  • 12 years ago

    by loi vincent

    Oh.... thank you so much.. :'( tears of joy

    thank you thank you thank you soo much