Death

Thank you for writing this. I have just lost my closest friend and I'm having a very hard time dealing with it so reading this helped me realise that I am not alone. As a thank you the least I can do it credit and analyse your poem.

"When you die you simply leave everyone behind
body and soul you walk out from everybody's mind
but nothing can erase the memories of the broken heart
so painful so unbearable , an everlasting mark"

This is beautifully written. You have captured the essence of death painfully vividly yet beautifully at the same time. Your description of pain is extremely accurate and I think your use of adjectives brings the reader in and forces them to relate it what you are saying.

"thought I'd always have you by my side
ordering me over and over like a noisy guide
like that sweet breeze of a summer night
you were once here but now you're just out of my sight"

Have you met me before? LOL! No honestly this is exactly what I am feeling at the moment which means that you have been able to truly capture the sentiment of those who are left grieving. Very empathetic writing.

"just like the air we breathe , we can feel it but never reach it
so close yet so far away
in the dark you were the only illuminating ray
but what can a flower do when the sun is no longer there "

I love love love the first line, "just like the air we breathe , we can feel it but never reach it." This is so beautiful that I want to print it and frame it. What a lovely way of portraying those of have past. We believe they are there but can't reach them. Simply splendid. I love how you bring darkness, light and sunshine into it, religious references which can be interpreted as moods too. So the reader can interpret it however they can relate to it. Awesome!

"what can a blind man do when he reaches out but he can't get himself anywhere"

I can't say much about this line other that it is extremely powerful.

"you were my hope my only source of life
without you by my side i crash , i sink , i simply dive
how can you leave me behind so alone so sad
how can i get over you when you were everything I've ever had
i can never forget i can never pretend
i can never let go , not until the end
you said it was okay , you said it was alright
how can you be sure when you turned my days into endless nights
i might never let go , i might never forget
but these feelings deep inside will keep me strong , i bet"

Your use of language at the last bit of your poem does a great job of showing desperation, anguish and refusal to accept reality. It is brilliant and very true to loss. I don't know if you've lost someone recently or not but either way, you have managed to make the reader feel what you wanted them to.

Well done for this beautiful write. 5/5 undoubtedly.

PS. I just wrote a poem on grief and loss. Its called "Of Breath and Death." I would love to here what you think about it.

This poem has touched me deeply

Very sad indeed. Great rhyming though. I love how it feels as though you're describing not only death but the loss of a loved one as well.

Beautiful poem!!! really. loved everything about it. so sad and true