Comments : Joseph

  • 1 year ago

    by Rania Moallem

    Wow, your latest are mesmerizing! An amazing piece indeed

  • 1 year ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Hellon

    This deserves the front page; it is a sublime piece of poetry. There isn't a stanza without a wonderful line and imagery and not a word wasted.

    Silvery tangles frame
    a face spun with spider threads
    from the weary loom
    of a long life.

    ^^
    The alliteration here is lovely and just subtle enough with no two 's' words sitting too close to each other and so it doesn't read as forced - just a pleasure to read.
    'spider-threads' as wrinkles? Brilliant stuff and highly imaginative.

    Gnarled hands, twisted as
    the roots of an ancient oak,
    back, stooped by the wind
    that paid visit and
    forgot to leave

    ^^

    I think this is my favourite stanza; the personification of the wind and the idea of it stooping his back and never leaving is written wonderfully. Again, the imagery is marvellous.
    *I may suggest that you remove the second comma after 'back' as I feel it would flow better; I tripped there, but I can see why you have placed it there.

    and yet...

    His eyes are still as clear
    as a summer morn,
    his laughter, musical as
    the first spring shower.

    ^^

    And yet, what is age and being life-weary when we are still so young at heart and have this affect on people?

    His smile? Ah his smile...
    can still melt a winter frost,
    and, once again it melts
    the winter frost that
    resides in my heart.

    ^^
    It is imagery like this that more free verse needs, in my opinion. I have to admit to being flummoxed by some of the free verse I have read down the years. It is too often just flashy prose, and there is and should be a difference, otherwise we are simply insulting the art of poetry. In my humble opinion, free verse (written well) is anything but free. It requires work and thought and all the poetic tools you have implemented here.
    *I found 'winter frost' a touch too much twice in a couple of lines, but maybe if you removed the second 'winter'? Just a thought:

    can still melt a winter frost,
    and, once again it melts
    the frost that...

    He does not speak my language
    and still I know
    he's afraid of uniforms...

    ^^

    Open to interpretation this, I would imagine, but my own was that this was a soldier who has been traumatized by war?
    Who knows, but the poem itself is wonderful and I would nominate this if I could.

    Sl

  • 1 year ago

    by Mahal Ko Kuya Ko

    Just wonderfully beautiful!

  • 1 year ago

    by Mahal Ko Kuya Ko

    Just wonderfully beautiful!

  • 1 year ago

    by Milly Hayward

    Amazing piece of poetry, Loved it. Milly x

  • 1 year ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    Hello Hellon,

    I have noticed with many of your poems that they are written in the wake of an event. This one a tribute of recognition to a person with much history. The first verse paints an image of grey fine hair, much like silken spun threads surrounding the face of memories all etched with time lines. This verse makes an excellent start and intrigues this reader as to what life has been led.

    At first I was confused with the back... stooped by the wind. I thought it referred to the roots being swept back. Perhaps another hair simile? I now can see it clearly means an arched back. Just a suggestion if back was replaced with trunk, it may work with the old oak metaphor?

    I always love the use of space (and yet...) to give the reader time to ponder - after all, this is a central place to think about this human image created...

    In the next verse it is revealed that our character is male. His inner qualities 'clear eyes' suggesting a sharp mind, 'musical laughter' suggesting a voice with strength and wit that defies his age.

    The line, His smile? Ah his smile... is my favourite, it not only slows the pace yet again, but it highlights the joy felt by being in this mans presence. Acknowledgement of the melting of 'a winter frost' could be taken two way, but I think not. The first reference is probably his winter frost? A time when his life was hard like the frost. The 'verglas' reference is similar, but different; it has a French tone to it, a foreign feel, so different and I think a lovely touch. Also, the fact that these visits are precisely that visits, something that reoccurs .

    The last verse is abrupt, leaving the reader to think. It is now revealed that he is foreign, or at least unable to speak the same language as his visitor. As the verglas suggests, he could be French, a war veteran perhaps? The fear of uniforms could as previously suggested be an untreated post trauma from the war?

    Hellon, your poems are always a pleasure to read/ try to interpret. Your work can only raise the bar and show others what great writing can induce. In me a feeling of being inside this man, feeling to some extent his pain, admire his strength and courage for being able to melt your verglas repeatedly.

    Take care,

    Michael

  • 1 year ago

    by Brenda

    Just beautiful-so rich in visuals and the flow, just lovely.

  • 1 year ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    Congratulations Hellon, a truly wonderful poem.

  • 1 year ago

    by stormingdance (Jessica)

    Beautiful and thought provoking. 5/5

  • I loved how descriptive you were with this. I could vividly see every image your tried to draw here. It also left me on a cliff hanger; Why uniforms? I certainly wanted to know more.

    Really loved it ^_^

  • 11 months ago

    by Maple Tree

    Judging Comment

    This poem melted my heart and also it is loaded with unique and detailed visuals and word display... to be writing of a solider I feel and the face or eyes of so many thoughts... just a wonderful poem, indeed!