Comments : A touch of innocence (collaboration)

  • 1 year ago

    by Maple Tree

    I really enjoy writing with you Michael, you take my scribblings and make them magical, hugs you my friend!

    • 1 year ago

      by - Mr. Darcy

      I enjoy writing with you too, Andrea, Magic happens when you send your 'scribblings' my way. lol

      Hugs you back.

  • 1 year ago

    by Em

    Michael and Andrea this is truly beautiful.

    I seem to interpret this in many ways but I daren't say how. Lol

  • 1 year ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Right. I have been looking forward to this and I have to say, I'm entirely disappointed.

    Just kidding.

    Two of my very favourite writers and people on this site coming together in a heavenly union requires a decent comment, so here goes!

    A mystical mirage of emotion
    silences waves, that crash over
    thousand year old rocky shores.

    ^^

    Beautiful alliteration in the first line and I am transported to a beach - standing on the rocks and breathing the salty air that comes off the ocean. I have so many memories like this.

    Salty air shapes his thoughts
    as sea crabs gather in unison:
    scurrying soldiers on the sand.

    ^^

    I love this stanza. Not only are we introduced to the character but we are told how his thoughts are being 'shaped' by the salty air and the beach he stands upon. To be so influenced and be taken by something so pure makes me think of the character as a child now. After all, how many adults are capable of being so completely lost in nature and letting their imaginations go?

    Prawn-like legs fold away,
    hovering over a reflective
    crystal pool of possibilities.

    ^^

    'prawn-like legs'. - brilliant! Especially in the context of the poem. I see a little boy sitting and folding his little legs as he gazes longingly into rock pool - again, so many personal memories. I used to sit with a net and gaze for hours into those magical pools(and prod those jelly-like anemones)!

    Micro worlds within a world,
    existing beneath the tension
    building up out of curiosity.

    ^^

    Indeed. All the little worlds that exist within the bigger one that we never take notice of. The tension in his little body builds as he peers in - ready to catch something, perhaps?

    Tiny talons poke about
    as pebbles sway with bodily ease.
    A finger of quivers explode with
    anticipation from a curious little
    warrior, such as he.

    ^^

    And then he strikes! Feeling among the pebbles and moving them about, he grabs at something he has seen or thinks might be there; he is a little fishing warrior who has discovered the simple pleasures of a rock-pool. If only more kids remembered that kind of wholesome entertainment. But I won't bore you with one of my rants!

    Andrea, Michael - your poetry always seems so effortless in regards to imagery and this is no different. However, I know that collaborating isn't easy so to do it so seamlessly is an achievement indeed and a real pleasure to read.

    SL

  • 1 year ago

    by deeplydesturbed

    I only have one word for this piece of art: nominated.

  • 1 year ago

    by deeplydesturbed

    Well done you two! Such great minds have come together.flows perfect. I cant tell who did what!

    Nominated :)

  • 1 year ago

    by Milly Hayward

    Another excellent collaboration.
    I think this is a truly wonderful poem with amazing visuals

    Particularly like

    Salty air shapes his thoughts
    as sea crabs gather in unison:
    scurrying soldiers on the sand.

    I would really love to see more from you two working together Milly xx

  • 1 year ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    Thanks Milly, everytime I work with another writer I learn something. I thoroughly recommend it!

    Thanks again.

  • 1 year ago

    by Brenda

    Wow-wow-wow! So this is what happens when two amazing writers come together and produce such beauty! I'm blown away, truly I am. The visuals and imagery was stunning-well, well done you two!

  • 1 year ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Well done, Andrea and Michael - I couldn't be happier for you both.

  • 1 year ago

    by Brenda

    Andrea and Michael, congratulations on your win! This was a truly beautiful write from you two!

  • 1 year ago

    by Em

    A very worthy win guys, Congratulations

  • 1 year ago

    by BlueJay

    Judging Comment:

    Without the notation that there were two author's for this piece I never would have guessed there were. The voices blend together seamlessly and the style is incredible much like the word choice and level of vocabulary. While I will point out that the descriptions were a little shaky from time to time this pair definitely made up for that with their on point phenomenal use of each other skill. Perhaps it was only shaky in my opinion as well, so that is always something to keep in mind. The second stanza is really where this started to leave the page and become a true creation of its own - a movie or a painting or some other work of art to each individual within the audience, but no matter the form, the execution was spot on wonderful. Absolutely fantastic piece from a purely dynamic duo.

  • 7 months ago

    by AngelaLuisaCory

    It's beautiful. Truly beautiful. So difficult to be in synch with someone else when writing a poem, so well done. Loved it. Angie X

  • 5 months ago

    by mossgirl19

    Breathtakingly beautiful. Two hands, one heart.

  • 5 months ago

    by stormingdance (Jessica)

    Beautiful word play and imagery. Congrats on the win, yall!