Comments : Broken Chair

  • 3 months ago

    by Em

    Wow

    • 3 months ago

      by Lauren Crandall

      Whoa! I just realized I could reply to comments. Sorry for the reply via PM!

  • 3 months ago

    by Ben Pickard

    This is excellent wordplay. Really well written throughout.

    All the very best,

    Ben

  • 3 months ago

    by Michael

    A fine piece of writing Lauren, with great imagery :)

    Michael :)

    • 3 months ago

      by Lauren Crandall

      Thank you! I used to write cheesy emo poems about how I hated my life. Now it seems I write dark poems about getting revenge on those who royally screwed me over! Sometimes I thought I was being melodramatic in my teenybopper poetry and how depressing it was, but as the years have gone by I still am angry and upset. I might as well use that emotion, right?

  • 3 months ago

    by BlueJay

    So I am a huge fan of imagery in poems and this one definitely has that, but I think the repetition of the word "fire" could have been a little more diverse, especially for someone with your knack for imagery.

    • 3 months ago

      by Lauren Crandall

      Thanks for the comment. I definitely don't wish to be repetitive, but I also went back through the poem and I only use "fire" twice, and "firebreathing" once. I'm not sure which to cut out, as the line "fire burning fire" was intentionally repetitive, as it's meant to be a take on fighting fire with fire.
      I really do take all comments and critiques seriously though! If you have any other suggestions as to what to switch I would love to hear it. I don't particularly love "firebreathing" but I couldn't think of another word that evoked the same idea without just saying "red, wavy hair".

      Thank you!

  • 3 months ago

    by Milly Hayward

    Great imagery and emotion with a strong story theme x

    • 3 months ago

      by Lauren Crandall

      Thank you very much! I really appreciate it! :)

  • 3 months ago

    by Ren

    WOW! This is intense! Very well written with amazing imagery! Well done!

    • 3 months ago

      by Lauren Crandall

      Thank you!! I wrote it off a prompt for a local poetry group. I'm debating reading it at this week's slam. :)