The Need

The need is back.
I write to try to fight back, but all the words turn to nonsense.
The need to inflict pain is strong.
Will i give in?
I try to remember,
Remember anything that will help me stop.
Thinking is too difficult.
I feel nauseated.
My head is spinning,
My wrists aching,
Urging me to slice them open.
They say if i do all this will go away.
So I do.
I press the blades against old wounds
Then when I have pressed deep enough I slide the blades across my skin.
At fist nothing.
Then the blood comes gushing out.
When you start to bleed thats when the relief comes.
Some people don't understand,
But they dont have to.
Other people think they understand,
But they dont.
The first time was an experiment,
But it trapped me in its addiction.
Once you begin you cant stop.
NOT EVER!
You cant escape the blades!