Being honest i felt there were some words missing out if you know what i mean...
i do like "but i know u will just turn me down
the snow perishes without sound" although the two lines dont exacly make sence but they go together well :D with the whole rythem thing.
Keep writing and you will get better.
They were parts that seemed really forced. Especially the rhyming. Just let it flow and be straight from the heart. Thats what makes a good poem. It doesn't have to rhyme. The concept is great. I would work on it a bit more though and then maybe post a revised copy so that people can compare and contrast. Don't hold back. Get it all out and make sure you get the point across.
rhyme is ok.you can start making more good poems from there.
I like the thought/content of the poem...I just feel that it was cut short too soon.
Always remember that each of us has his own style and pace...such indiciduality /originality gives us the excuse for what they call "poetic license".
Keep on writing.
It doesn't feel complete to me, but it is a start..i like the theme of the four seasons being used to describe the relationship and I think you can continue to develop that it will turn out good..the flow is ok and there were some lines that were a bit awkward like the ending..but to me it doesnt have an ending because i think it could go on...but a good start, keep it up...
you left me a essage to assess this poem so... here i am... assessing ...your poem...
it was really good but ill hit you with the constructive criticism:
i think you could have elaborated a little bit more, more detail and more emotion.
the ending seemed a little dwindly...
but it was good... keep writing!
id appreciate it if you could read and rate/comment on some of my work.
I read some of your other comments. I like the poem, but it is lacking something. I am not the one to criticize, my poems are far from great. I like the message, just work on getting that across. Add more. But not too much. With time you will get the hang of things. But always stay true to yourself. Write how you like...if it makes sense to you...leave it the way it is...Remember it is your poem...it's about what u feel not what I feel. Keep writing!!!