Half-hearted

by silvershoes   Jan 22, 2008


Summertime and leaves are falling
All around
Suffocating in a mess of death
Leaves we used to smile upon
Crunch beneath our feet
And the river we swam
Filled to the brim by spring
Is dried up, our muddy toes
Touch the bottom and the
Only wetness above our ankles
Drips from your kiss to mine
The taste is bittersweet

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  • 16 years ago

    by sibyllene

    Jeez, Janey... why don't I read more of your poetry? The more I read, the more I seem to like it. "The only wetness above our ankles..." that was a great way to tie the river back in, which was itself tied into the changing seasons (which mirror the changes of love)... all in all, it was very well-connected and complete. I also like how the last line is separate from the way the rest of the poem flows, and it serves to sort of summarize the poem, as well as add in a clearly expressed thought. It's sort of the lightbulb going off for the reader. Ah, I don't know how to explain it, really. Hopefully you know what I mean. Basically, I think the last phrase of a poem is the most important, and this one works well. : )

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