HOLY ****!!! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?? oh wait...its just a mirror... nevermind

If you think im weird... then you should meet the person who lives in my mirror!

If you think life is bad, imagine what its like for an egg, you share your pad with 11 other guys, it takes 4 minutes to get hard, 2 minutes to get soft, you only get laid once and the only chick that sat on your face was your mum... life isnt that bad

LIFE IS LIKE A D**k, WHEN IT GETS HARD... F**k IT!!

All a woman needs is four animals in her life:
a tiger in the bed
a jaguar in the garage
a minx on her back
and a jackass to pay for it all

If you can't laugh at yourself... I'll be happy to do it for you

Im going through a really awkward time at the moment... you know... that one between birth and death?

Let me draw you a picture
Let me draw it with a twist
Let me draw it with this blade
Let me draw it on my wrist
If i do it right
A fountain of red will appear
To take away my pain
To take away my fear

Guys were only created because vibrators can't mow the grass

People are strange... they spend money they dont have... on things they dont want.... trying to impress people they dont like