Prolonged Remembrance.

This won't be very long, I promise,
because words aren't substitutes for memories
and I'm sorry I can't recall all the details,
all the stories you would share during
tangerine sunsets in a small Indiana town.
I grew up with you as my grandpa and my
next door neighbor. You would proudly tell
whoever you met about your granddaughter,
though we were never related by blood.
You were my mom's best friend.
If she disappeared for a few hours, I could
always open the window halfway and see
two porch chairs alive with smiles and laughter.
Never did you let doubt creep in, until
pancreatic cancer gave you limits and
slowly, I watched positivity strain your face.

But you were trying...

There is only one day I replay in my mind now,
weeks before Christmas when we visited you
at the rehab center.
You were vehemently sick, apologizing for
not being able to speak much or sit upright,
like that mattered to me.
My mom and I stayed with you through that
rough moment and when it was our time to go,
before closing the door, I whispered
I love you, and you replied, I love you too.
Those were the last words we shared, the
last sounds you made but God, those are beautiful words.
To be able to love and express that love is a gift.

Your funeral was not what I had feared,
bagpipes and gunshots on a chilly day, no,
it was the visitation, where I felt I had to make
a formal goodbye.
Firefighters from our town were dressed in uniform
to read a fireman's prayer, in honor of your fifty
years of service...
everyone had a hard time keeping tears in.
I never knew how uncontrollable my emotions were
until that night, but I asked for a minute alone,
and I kissed your folded hands and spoke my goodbye.
Perhaps that was the closure I needed to bless
you though I know angels had already lifted your spirit.

God is cradling you now...

I promised this wouldn't be long, I'm sorry it is.
But I'm done apologizing for remembering.
Because when we can share, we can reach out,
and it is then our hearts grow and learn a love
humanity had been holding back for so long.

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7/30/14 @ 11:33 AM
Written for Saffie's contest in the main forum. I know it's not that poetic as I seem to "tell" more than "show", and I know I probably have an overabundance of pronouns, but this is straight from the heart and felt like I had to write this out.