It's a perfectly sunny day out, right?

by Poet on the Piano   Sep 14, 2014


When we were side by side four months ago,
you mentioned that I needed to find another
outlet for my anger.

And I denied; my heart doesn't harbor those
kinds of ships.

But I lied; it does.

There may not be one particular reason for it,
it's mostly directed at myself, but I'm angry
at not being able to grasp anything,
at being angry with you when technically
it's not your problem.
(I'm not your main responsibility).

I need to quit mentally crafting poems
from our conversations, and the way I wish
your arms would have enveloped me.

I need to quit imagining what I could have said,
to be more accurate and honest to myself.
Even though I'm pursuing a degree in communications,
I can't communicate to you that my smiles mean little...

they mean I'm trying, but not that my emotions are stable.

I need you to keep pushing and pushing for answers,
to fight for me remind me over and over
that you'll always be there when I'm faced with
an ugly, scarred side of me.
That I can bother you, even if it's the same week
you traveled down country roads at midnight
to pick me up.

I see what you're trying to do, I really do,
but "If you're happy and you know it" on a
synthesizer can't magically gift happiness.

You said we can't pretend it didn't happen
and I was foolish enough to ask why we can't.
A part of me wants you to address it and
gently reveal I can't go down that path again.

Today, you said it's up to me but I can't

forget.

-
Written 9/14/14 @ 5:01 PM

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