Panic Anxiety

2014-09-16 00:47 AM

Boom.
And another one. Boom.
Boom. Boom. Boom.

My ears are ringing
as the deafening noise fades.
I'm losing my sense of balance.

Empty - that's the only word that fits here.
The explosions of my anxious heartbeats
have left craters in my chest.

I'm so tired.
I can't breathe.
I can't breathe.

I can't breathe,
please help me.
I'm so tired.

Time flies by, with the clockwork
of my volatile thoughts ticking on,
making music out of the cacophony.

My body moves on auto-pilot,
the machinery of my joints growing stiff.
I'm not sure where I'm going.

I'm riding self-loathing like a bullet train.
Tunnel vision. My head hurts. My body aches.
And I'm not sure where I'm going.

My mouth is dry.
I try to spit hollow debates to the preachers
of vainglorious faiths.

I try to scream in protest
as the ghosts of my past
drag me back to reality.

I try to fight it off,
this inevitable waking up
from my shallow sleep.

I'm so tired.
I can't feel my heartbeat exploding anymore.
But I do not find any solace in this silence.

O God, why do you not let me sleep?
I'm so tired. I keep on walking,
but I'm not sure where I'm going.

Forgive me, anyone.
I just want to sleep now.
Why am I not allowed to just sleep now?