Emerging From a Lapse.

by Poet on the Piano   Jan 11, 2015


It is not something I can simply wish away... I don't hold that much power.

See, I don't want to personify depression as male or female because it's not worthy of that - it doesn't have a soul. But it finds me most mornings before the sun does. I am discovered in between aging sheets and it tires me more than a mile run or a nightmare I can't escape from.

It convinces me none of this matters. The struggle, my purpose. It tells me I should not even try. And that's when I suspend in mid-air, my heart palpitating, calling to be held, yet my voice croaks out an "I truly don't care."

Last night, while driving home on icy paths and shuddering from fifteen degree weather, I told myself with tight lips, "I cannot give up without fighting. Even if it means everyday. Everyday I have to remind myself why I'm here, the reasons I'm still choosing life."

-
Prose (or freewrite) written 1/11/15 @ 7:57 AM while listening to pianist Ludovico Einaudi's album "In a Time Lapse"

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Latest Comments

  • 9 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Relapses aren't the easiest I'm sure, but on the bright side it's a way of showing you how strong you are. It's unfortunate they happen though.. but I am sure they teach you a lot about yourself & how far you've come since the initial moment. Always thinking of you, hope you know there's always light at the end of the tunnel, and that you have more strength than you think & many that will always be there for you when you feel you're at your weakest.

  • 9 years ago

    by Mayday

    Ooh, this is heavy :( Very sad, As I read this, I heard a weary and tired voice narrating in my head. It's reads like a burden and has a pretty depressive tone (Obviously) :/ But I really liked the way you ended this. It's important that through all of this, the relapses and the questions without the right answers and the dreariness of it, you can still hang onto your strength! I think that is admirable.
    Very well-written, Poet

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