A final breath of life (duel perspective)

by Masked metaphor   Aug 13, 2014


(P1)
Time stands still,
sirens and distant voices pixelated in foreign debris.
Memories catacomb mixed signals,
as the last few seconds happened so quickly.

(P2)
Silence sketches a chaotic mist...
Echoing the expressions of shock and disbelief,
the world continues its revolution,
yet those involved are lost in a time threshold, so lost and so frozen.

(P1)
Scarred closed eyes open,
peeling the eyelids slowly apart.
Vision so distorted and blurry,
the waves of the aftermath still convulsing inside...

(P2)
Life becomes a detached element...
Events change speed like a film paused then fast-forwarded.
Gods personal soap opera, where tragedy, keeps the series 'on air' for only that little moment longer.

(P1)
Pain and numbness cross contaminate,
the body paralysed and in a weak state.
Blurred flashing lights crowd the vision,
sirens getting louder and with swift precision.

(P2)
Silent screaming haunts the narrow corridors of their bewildered souls, bodies so transfixed on negligence and denial,
trying to patch up and understand all that has just occurred.

(P1)
Heart beats pounding so fast,
blood slowly dripping, leaving vein like patterns on its path.
Bodies being pulled and carried onto life-giving stretches,
voices of reassurance still so unclear and foreign natured

(P2)
Life is so unpredictable,
in a moment someone is born and the next someone dies.
Never take life for granted,
cherish every single second it provides.

(P1)
Flashing lights and beeping monitors concave a still lying body,
surrounded by anxious paramedics trying to keep that heart line flowing.

(P2)
The breath of life keeps the body connected, life is ended once that last breath is exhaled and forlornly rejected.

(P1)
Hospital doors embrace this fragile and tragically torn body.
A stranger to most, a loved one to many.
A last breath is heard by the surrounding doctors and nurses followed by the humming indicator that the heart is no longer working.

(P2)
The world continues to revolve,
while lives perish and decompose.
Yet the one thing that remains on earth,
are the sacred memories they have preserved.

Note: I have written this poem in duel perspective in interwoven stanzas (will write P1 and P2 so it is clear) The first perspective is a personal perspective of the body (not directly linked to a specific individual) that is in the scene after the tragedy.
The second perspective is a broad over look of tragedies and how it effects us as humans.
I hope it is not overly confusing...

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Latest Comments

  • 9 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Really great job with this. I had a quick glance at this one when you posted it on the forum, the structure of it was just very unique and caught my eye.

    I like the idea of the 2 approaches to the story. So congratulations for the creativity of this piece. Nice to see some of your work again!

    Your wording and description here are so vivid, it is like you really take the reader with you to this horrific scene, and show them all that is going on, and all that is being felt and experienced.

    I think it is such a powerful poem, because it is a relevant and powerful topic, of how things can change, and how it can be over so quickly. You really go in to so much depth of this story.

    I think the line that keeps repeating for myself is:

    A stranger to most, a loved one to many.

    Wow!! What a line. It just seems so simple, yet speaks so much truth. All these people that we see on the news or in the paper, or even just hear about from someone else's conversations. to us, it is the stranger, someone we do not know, and never will. But to so many people that person could have been the entire world to. Such a poignant thought.

    Amazing job on this.
    Well done

  • 9 years ago

    by cassie hughes

    This is one of the most amazing poems I have ever read. The dual perspective works so well, both drawing you in with the personal involvement yet holding you far enough away to maintain perspective with P2.
    It shows to perfection the speed in which lives can be turned upside down and changed irrevocably.
    Not an easy read, but a read that will stay with me for a long, long time.

  • 9 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    Let me start off with just saying WOW! I said that in the club but seriously, when I read this for the first time, I was speechless and very impressed. I absolutely love the duel perspective! You don't see that often in poetry so that definitely makes this piece stand out. You took my weekly writing prompt and blew it out of the water!!! I nominated this and truly hope it wins! <3

    Okay so the first perspective is a personal perspective of the body, but not linked in anyway to a specific individual that is at the scene of the tragedy, possibly a paramedic, police officer, bystander, God, someone that was involved in the tragedy itself, from your descriptions it sounds like the tragedy is a car crash, so maybe it is the other driver? Either way, this person is watching the scene unfold before their eyes, from the moment the crash happens to the moment that the victim takes their last breath.

    The second perspective is an overall view of how tragedy effects us as humans. We all endure tragedy in some way, usually multiple times throughout a lifetime. We all feel the shock and disbelief, the agony of loss, heartache and so on. Life passes by us so quickly but when tragedy occurs, it makes us stop and focus on the little things and how tomorrow may never come, so we should cherish what time we do have with the people we love.

    It's true though, that while we may be feeling the loss of a loved one due to tragedy...that ultimately, life is going on, it's moving forward like nothing ever happened. We feel stuck in that tragedy but soon, people do move on and go through the motions of life but will always still keep those memories tucked somewhere safely.

    The imagery throughout is outstanding! I was going to pinpoint my favorite parts but as I was reading through, I couldn't choose just one or two, all of it is beautiful.

    I love how the duel perspectives are great as a whole but each can also be an individual poem! That is so cool and in my opinion, hard to accomplish...so wonderful job! I hope each week you continue to participate in my weekly prompt challenge, I've truly enjoyed reading your work!

  • 9 years ago

    by Lune de ma vie

    This is freaking amazing!!

    At first I wasn't sure what the P's were next to each stanza until after the poem was over and I read it, I was greatly impressed after reading it the first time with P1 & P2. Vivid and so strong with the lay out, the formation, and your vocabulary.

    I then reread it with just P1 & then P2 and what I have got to say is this is one of the most utterly chilling and breath taking poems I have ever laid my eyes upon!

    You have captured so much in your words within this poem it is truly remarkable and stunning; the truth behind each word and each stanza grows deeper and more true as the poem goes on. It really blew me away, gave me goosebumps, had me reflecting on my life and the events of other peoples lives.

    This piece surely captures just how quick everything can be taken away from us. One minute we're alive the next we're not, it is a scary thought and the way you said the world keeps revolving is so true, it is sad how it cannot stand still in that moment and we all can grieve for everyone who ends up losing their lives.

    The way you have the two different perspectives is a really awesome concept for a poem and the subject which you decided to write about is a very strong and powerful one, you did a honest job in showing the two sides and all the feelings and emotions that go into life and death.

    5/5.
    Never stop writing!

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