Comments : Puppet Strings

  • 9 years ago

    by Indian Comma Bean

    Hey great write good imagery and connections within the poem, but here's a couple thoughts I had, I thought the flow was a little rough in this stanza...

    Your scissors are too blunt
    No freedom for me today. <----- V
    Remember that life attached to puppet strings
    Is not as easy as they say.

    What I might have done was...

    Your scissors are too blunt
    To leave me freedom in my days,
    Keep in mind that life on strings,
    Is not as easy as they say.

    But besides that I thought it was a wonderful poem with a creepy, dark side to it.

    keep it up 5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    Thats a wonderful write... the way you have described life through puppet's eyes is really praise worthy... keep up

  • 9 years ago

    by White Chocolate Dynamite

    Okay, can I say one thing. It seems like you rush your poems, like you write them with emmotion and stuf im sure. but like your rhyme scheme seems indifferent. But thats just my opinion, Again, thanks! 5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by shadowknight

    Hey.

    The first stanza is my fav, as it sets the poem up and its taps and intrigues the responder to keep reading
    "I beg you to cut from me
    These painful puppet strings." --Fav bit--
    Only problem is the rhyming scheme as i dont thing please and strings rhyme that well, but the rest of the poem has the ABCB rhyme scheme.

    *Stanza 2*
    Also taps on the heart strings of the responder, i also found it symbolic to part of my own life..

    *Stanza 3*
    Love this stanza only line i questioned on was
    "Up, then down, then left and right;"
    Which i think
    "Up, then down, left then right"
    May have been better suited

    Stanza 4
    Just hits it (in a good way) It gives the responder that last jolst of adrenilin!
    My fav line being
    "Remember that life attached to puppet strings
    Is not as easy as they say."

    Conclusion.

    Well down poem, just consider the my suggestions.
    Its great length and keeps the responder attention, also allowing them to relate!! Good Job

  • 9 years ago

    by Natalie

    First I have to say, that this was a really interesting topic to use. I loved it!

    Just let me go
    From this world please.
    I beg you to cut from me
    These painful puppet strings

    I loved how in the opening stanza the person is begging for their freedom. How badly they want to be free from the strings in life.

    I'm unable to do
    My heart's desire.
    Living in isolation
    By my string supplier.

    String supplier and living in isolation. Seems as if someone is being controlled. Just like a puppet would be. nice!

    Up, then down, then left and right;
    Harmful commands are made.
    I try to move and jump
    But every time pushed to be laid.

    This ones good too. Explaining how the puppets moves are controlled, no matter which way they are trying to move.

    Your scissors are too blunt
    No freedom for me today.
    Remember that life attached to puppet strings
    Is not as easy as they say.

    And this was a amazing way to end the poem. Loved the last line. It would def. be hard to live life as a puppet on strings.. being controlled with everything you do.. Not having a say in anything.

    Loved this poem. It was truely great. You have some amazing talent. Keep writing! :)

  • 9 years ago

    by Nix

    First of all I must say:
    -Each word in this comment is my personal opinion and if I say something negative I don't want to offend you
    -Title didn't impressed me too much cause I think that it could be little more complex
    -Rhyming is quite amazing in each stanza, very unique, I always think that person simply shouldn't write rhyming piece if rhymes are typical and predictable, well your were great, actually, you made truly captivating rhythm with them.
    -I don't see why you capitalized each first letter in every line. That on some places ruined a flow for me cause it doesn't go right with the punctuation.

    -Just let me go
    From this world please.
    I beg you to cut from me
    These painful puppet strings.-

    ^Very interesting opening stanza, I like it's intensity and the fact that you wrote it straight to the message was very original. Anyway, here you started to built very creative metaphor, I like the tone of whole stanza, truly refreshing and remarkable.

    -I'm unable to do
    My heart's desire.
    Living in isolation
    By my string supplier.-

    ^I think that you could use better expression from -to do- but anyway, you amazed me with beauty of this stanza, very impressionable write. I don't like only one thing, the fact that you used word -string- second time instead of using a synonym.

    -Up, then down, then left and right;
    Harmful commands are made.
    I try to move and jump
    But every time pushed to be laid.-

    ^Very powerful atmosphere, you wrote this on excellent way, imagery is fantastic and truly vivid and you continued to built that effective tone.

    -Your scissors are too blunt
    No freedom for me today.
    Remember that life attached to puppet strings
    Is not as easy as they say.-

    ^Here piece reached it's maximum, bravo! Superbly written stanza, though I think that you shouldn't write -puppet strings- again, but still,very nice, first two lines really impressed me.

    Overall I enjoyed so much in this poem and I am really glad that I read it, well done

  • SWEET!

  • 9 years ago

    by RainbowSlider

    You make a valid point and I couldn't put it any better. Life is full of choices and if we are connected by strings then how are we to make them? We have to make the choices oursleves and be able to follow through with them on our own if we are to be truly free.

  • 9 years ago

    by kelleyana

    Very meaningful. Filled with vivid imagery, keep it up, it merits 5/5? kel.

  • 9 years ago

    by kate

    Wow, this poem was amazing honestly. I never read anything like this before and its very true life is full of being a puppet on a string. theres always someone there to tell you no if you go a certain way or you don't want to make the wrong move because your afraid someone will not back you up from it. You have an amazing point on this poem.

    keep it up.
    keep on writing.
    love always and forever.

  • 9 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Theres not much I can really critique you on here, because I saw nothing wrong with this piece, at least I myself didn't. :] I thought that you did a great job with this, I loved the uniqueness in this piece. The title was really intriguing. Well done. This is flawless!

    5/5.

  • 8 years ago

    by PoetryKnight

    I used to do marienet puppets, and the thing about the cutting of the strings. even if you don't want to move the way the puppet master is making you, at least there is life you as long as the strings are connected. lol. 5/5