Okay, can I say one thing. It seems like you rush your poems, like you write them with emmotion and stuf im sure. but like your rhyme scheme seems indifferent. But thats just my opinion, Again, thanks! 5/5
The first stanza is my fav, as it sets the poem up and its taps and intrigues the responder to keep reading
"I beg you to cut from me
These painful puppet strings." --Fav bit--
Only problem is the rhyming scheme as i dont thing please and strings rhyme that well, but the rest of the poem has the ABCB rhyme scheme.
Also taps on the heart strings of the responder, i also found it symbolic to part of my own life..
Love this stanza only line i questioned on was
"Up, then down, then left and right;"
Which i think
"Up, then down, left then right"
May have been better suited
Just hits it (in a good way) It gives the responder that last jolst of adrenilin!
My fav line being
"Remember that life attached to puppet strings
Is not as easy as they say."
Well down poem, just consider the my suggestions.
Its great length and keeps the responder attention, also allowing them to relate!! Good Job
First of all I must say:
-Each word in this comment is my personal opinion and if I say something negative I don't want to offend you
-Title didn't impressed me too much cause I think that it could be little more complex
-Rhyming is quite amazing in each stanza, very unique, I always think that person simply shouldn't write rhyming piece if rhymes are typical and predictable, well your were great, actually, you made truly captivating rhythm with them.
-I don't see why you capitalized each first letter in every line. That on some places ruined a flow for me cause it doesn't go right with the punctuation.
-Just let me go
From this world please.
I beg you to cut from me
These painful puppet strings.-
^Very interesting opening stanza, I like it's intensity and the fact that you wrote it straight to the message was very original. Anyway, here you started to built very creative metaphor, I like the tone of whole stanza, truly refreshing and remarkable.
-I'm unable to do
My heart's desire.
Living in isolation
By my string supplier.-
^I think that you could use better expression from -to do- but anyway, you amazed me with beauty of this stanza, very impressionable write. I don't like only one thing, the fact that you used word -string- second time instead of using a synonym.
-Up, then down, then left and right;
Harmful commands are made.
I try to move and jump
But every time pushed to be laid.-
^Very powerful atmosphere, you wrote this on excellent way, imagery is fantastic and truly vivid and you continued to built that effective tone.
-Your scissors are too blunt
No freedom for me today.
Remember that life attached to puppet strings
Is not as easy as they say.-
^Here piece reached it's maximum, bravo! Superbly written stanza, though I think that you shouldn't write -puppet strings- again, but still,very nice, first two lines really impressed me.
Overall I enjoyed so much in this poem and I am really glad that I read it, well done
You make a valid point and I couldn't put it any better. Life is full of choices and if we are connected by strings then how are we to make them? We have to make the choices oursleves and be able to follow through with them on our own if we are to be truly free.
Wow, this poem was amazing honestly. I never read anything like this before and its very true life is full of being a puppet on a string. theres always someone there to tell you no if you go a certain way or you don't want to make the wrong move because your afraid someone will not back you up from it. You have an amazing point on this poem.
keep it up.
keep on writing.
love always and forever.
Theres not much I can really critique you on here, because I saw nothing wrong with this piece, at least I myself didn't. :] I thought that you did a great job with this, I loved the uniqueness in this piece. The title was really intriguing. Well done. This is flawless!
8 years ago
I used to do marienet puppets, and the thing about the cutting of the strings. even if you don't want to move the way the puppet master is making you, at least there is life you as long as the strings are connected. lol. 5/5