Comments : Butterfly [With Identity Crisis]

  • 9 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    "vivid as the stars which sung malediction"
    -I was almost thinking you meant sing.. not sung. Because I think your in the present tense in this poem? Maybe I'm terribly wrong, I don't know.

    "Vanilla secrets touch sunshine sorrow,
    planting arcane whispers into wildfire wings."
    -I loveee how you repeated this, but changed the last two words for the second time. :] Nice twist.

    Excellent work. Nice flow and a excellent title, btw :] Keep it up. You write amazingly.. 5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Blissful

    Oh wow this was just amazing my dear. Your choice of words utterly blew me away leaving me speechless. The title was captivating making me curious to read on and be in awe of the poems beauty. You take poetry to such a different level that I feel as if I am entering another world while reading your work allowing me to escape my reality. The ending was just a flawless way to end and complete your poem because it left me breathless and wanting more of you sweet language and flawless flow.

    Well done on this one.
    Another wonderful write from you.
    *5/5* as always.
    :]

  • 9 years ago

    by Muhammad Junaid

    Excellent poem
    I have read your poem and it touched my heart.Kindly read my poem as well,it is my first poem in this forum,please read it and comment and rank it.Your words are very precious for me.
    Thanks
    Junaid

  • 9 years ago

    by Rachel RTVW

    Excellent word choice in this piece. Nicely done!

  • 9 years ago

    by Nix

    I really like title of this one, if I understood meaning correctly(which I doubt) it has great connection with it.

    -Abysmal elegy whispers nuclear poetry,
    artificial within enliven cosmic volcano,
    vivid as the stars which sung malediction.-

    ^Great stanza, I must say, first of all, this really impressed me. You somehow easily created beautiful atmosphere, I also like structure of whole opening stanza, somehow all words greatly go together and you put strong emotions in each line.
    My interpretation of this stanza would be that you got great inspiration from some deep sorrow, and words that you wrote from that inspiration are very real and they reflect the source of that sorrow but in the same time they are different from some big passion which again you felt, but that is just my interpretation, also because volcano and stars are different forms of fire I would say that your passion and sorrow have same foundations but that they developed on absolutely different sides (I got that because volcano is on the earth and stars are up)

    -Vanilla secrets touch sunshine sorrow,
    planting arcane whispers into iridescent heart.-

    ^First time I read this I didn't like repetition of -whisper- but than I saw its function which is excellent.
    I really like this stanza, it is so creative and, well not just remarkable and vivid, it is truly memorable, great description, I like your ability to intertwine emotions with pictures.
    I would say that meaning of this is that sorrow is omnipresent and that substance of inspiration which you found in it starts to transform some inner serenity which you had before.

    -Monochrome nocturne embraces my butterfly,
    tattooing ambiguity across the silver bones,
    vivid as the dragons of scarlet glass.-

    ^I must say this is mind blowing, wow, fascinating write, it is simply so unique and you put your talent in this stanza, I think rest of this poem is fantastic too but these lines absolutely left me speechless.
    -ambiguity- is a new word for me, though I think that you used it excellently here.
    I thought that this means that your soul is captured into something which lost its true core,
    like that you are trapped in some emotions which changed their previous substances into emptiness.
    I also thought that you want to say that some doubt crawled into your being and that it makes you fragile but real in some way.

    -Vanilla secrets touch sunshine sorrow,
    planting arcane whispers into wildfire wings.-

    ^I really like this repetition and effect which you left because you put -wildfire wings-, that makes very powerful atmosphere if you compare it with second stanza.
    I would say that you something in you on a way transformed and that you aren't sure are you happy or unhappy with new thing you have.
    To me emotions which you described seemed like you got something which you wanted but that can't go away easily (fire is strong for some time but it will eventually stop with burning)

    - Illustrated madness sculptures alien anatomy;
    "I drank your monotony and fragrant damnation",
    erotic epiphany crucifies aura of daydreams.-

    ^You amazed me here, very, very powerful stanza, it is actually brilliant, so creative and every line somehow posses same intensive energy. I really enjoyed in your words here.
    I don't want to offend you but I personally (though I am sure that I understood poem on completely wrong way) can't find here other meaning than that emotions which you expressed through whole piece, and that feeling on the end shaped in some form of absolute madness, like some new sensations simply crucified monotony.

    -Vanilla secrets touch sunshine sorrow,
    planting arcane whispers into lyrical soul-

    ^I like the ending, it is great that you made fantastic circle with repetition, no between beginning and ending but you just sum up the whole poem.

    I think that this is one of your best pieces, each part of this poem fascinated me, well done! It was honestly big pleasure to read this one.

  • 9 years ago

    by mnemosyne

    Mm, this is a lovely piece. The elegant and complex vocabulary you used was just beautiful. For me, this poem really has an enigmatic atmosphere, that you seemingly effortlessly created. My absolute favorite part:

    *Vanilla secrets touch sunshine sorrow,
    planting arcane whispers into wildfire wings.

    Illustrated madness sculptures alien anatomy;
    "I drank your monotony and fragrant damnation",
    erotic epiphany crucifies aura of daydreams.*

    Stunning work! Don't really know what else to say! Keep it coming [:

  • 9 years ago

    by BrokenREALiTy

    *cries .
    You make me feel so inadequate when you write such stunning pieces. I swear, you've created a whole new poetic lexis of your own -- it's gorgeous, and it never grows old, reading your writes.

    Vanilla secrets touch sunshine sorrow,
    planting arcane whispers into iridescent heart.
    `Breathtaking imagery. "sunshine sorrow" -- it's a clever twist of wording, and it creates a serene, sort of glow to your words.

    The repetition is extremely effective, but it frustrates me that I can't quite interpret the piece completely... Butterfly... What is is a symbol of? Or is it even a symbol at all? Fascinating ...

    Nonetheless, your imagery never ceases to stun me. It was like you created a whole new universe, with dragons, cosmic volcanoes. Jeez! You ended it too soon :D I wanted to continue reading, but your ending just wraps it all up. It was like those two continuously repeated lines were a thread, stringing through your verses and tying them all together -- only to go back in a circle and tie a knot to finish it.

    Brilliant.
    ..__MiNDYY

  • 9 years ago

    by Finalgravedigger

    WOW, I must say this poem had superior word choice and vocab words i had to look up, thanks for making pull out the dictionary lol.

    I really loved how you used the word arcane at such perfect times and my favorite stanza was the fourth.

    Vanilla secrets touch sunshine sorrow,
    planting arcane whispers into wildfire wings

    Wildfire wings was also another great word that i didnt have to look up and it really painted an image in my head.

    I just woke up and was glad to read such a great poem.5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    Excellent... impressive word choice... simply astounding..
    you weave such a vivid... superb picture with your words...
    "Vanilla secrets ..sunshine sorrow...wildfire wings"... simply brilliant...

    the whole piece is so captivating...

    "Abysmal elegy whispers nuclear poetry,
    artificial within enliven cosmic volcano,
    vivid as the stars which sung malediction."

    ^^from here on till the end... your poem captured my attention...

    Excellently write...
    keep writing..

  • 9 years ago

    by Prasad Ramesh Baadkar

    Yet another fantastic write frm nile...

    5 cheers for this poem.

    Keep writing

  • 9 years ago

    by Thoughtless Consideration

    As always, your writing is flawless. You're by far one of the most talented poets on this site and I can't even begin to tell you how brilliant this piece was.
    Absolutely breathtaking.
    5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by 4 track demo

    "I drank your monotony and fragrant damnation",.... hell yeah..that's enough for me, surrealistically dark with a vicious bite...oh the drama! i love it!...passion, passion, passion, without compromise, that's what i adore about your work..and as far as trying to decipher the message behind the words, i got what i needed out of it, and that's what i believe makes an awesome poem.....keep painting pictures, well done!
    john