Deceptive Stars

by Rolo   Nov 17, 2008


A shiver lurks, creeps through my soul
It breaks a heart which was once whole
Your words are toxic and said in vain
Just once I wish you would abstain

I plead with reasons, all of my tears
I'm pushed to the side, or so it appears
I need your effort, excuses are lies
Tell me something I won't despise

Distance grows, my pain is spreading
Fear surrounds this path I'm treading
Heaven is here, the stars are deceiving
Stay with me, they're not worth leaving

My thoughts are flawed and without focus
I'm trapped within depressed hypnosis
You are my hero who can't fall down;
An invincible king without the crown

Empty I stand, the coldness crawls through
I'm losing my strength the more I lose you
You're going away, but who's to blame?
It's all just a part of life's sick game

Dad, I love you but if you should leave
It is in my heart that I cannot deceive
I'll follow you there, but here I'll remain
A ghost of my past filled only with pain

End.

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Cyber Saiyan

    Another great poem.

    Again, it held my attention from start to finish and held the all-important power words.

    This seems like such a mature poem for a younger writer (even though Im only 9 years older than you). The poem was just ... great. Nothing negative to point out. I have read a few of your poems now and they all seem to flow like a well written song. Maybe you could explore a new avenue of your talent.

    After I read it a few times, I realized that the entire poem was about the same subject, but you didnt introduce it until the end of the poem. I think this is what held my attention so well. The entire poem was about an empty pain in your life, but the subject wasnt mentioned until the end. Then it was like a flashback over the entire poem putting all the peices together.

    Another 5/5; great job.

  • 15 years ago

    by KemistryKia

    LOVED it
    keep writing!

  • 15 years ago

    by umbra

    I have fallen in love with your writing! It has been a long since someone has made me swoon, but swoon I have. What really caught my attention in this poem were the symbols you created, a hero who couldn't fall, a crownless king. Symbols are very important and represent what we hold dearest. You brought the reader along with you and made them understand just how it feels to lose that special something.

  • 15 years ago

    by loving my kids tessa and savannah

    Deep and sad and a lot of feeling i know how it feels

  • 15 years ago

    by Angeleea

    **applauds** Really good 5/5. You really find a way to hit the soft spots

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