Oh wow. I absolutely love this poem. It, as well as the others I have read, is very unique. Which is a HUGE plus with poetry. Though, I figure even what people consider 'cliche' poems are still good, as long as their the Poet's poetry.
There's nothing wrong with this poem. Even without the punctuation it's already got that wow factor. This is the type of poem that needs nothing but the words to be absolutely amazing.