Comments : Unvarnished thoughts

  • 9 years ago

    by Teria

    The only problem I found with this poem is the over used '...' Other than that you did a GREAT job on writing this poem and I really enjoyed reading it.

    [Skipping pages, wanting the end
    Never look back
    Never take a glance.

    Hesitating, pulses stopped
    Thinking over
    here's the chance.

    Breath cut short, blood boiled red.
    Hand in hand, there they go
    Hopeless...

    Choking in the saltiness, suffocating
    Lips quivering
    Restless

    Pain tugging near the chest
    Needles one by one they pierce
    Pondering

    Her smiles, your love - what about me?
    Still wondering, but wonder no more
    cause I still want to make the ending]