Comments : Nature's Disappearing Act - Sedoka

  • 9 years ago

    by The Prince

    I find that most Japanese styles of poetry are difficult to master.

    'Lumbering tree trunks
    Hold masses of vivid greens
    Providing natural shade'

    From this we get a really big description, and from only a small amount of words, that's a great truimph. 'Lumbering' was a fantastic choice. You set the reader up for the contrast or contradiction in imagery in the second.

    'Deforestation
    Destroying vast areas
    Of this stunning wonderland'

    That one word sits on it's own, and it's powerful like that. I maybe would have liked it if you'd related or linked the last line to the first stanza/line so the reader can familiarise with the imagery, but that's just minor. This was an excellently penned Sedoka.

    Well done :)

  • 9 years ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    Dear Cara,

    With this poem you not only show how talented you are (Japanese formats are very hard to master!) but you also show commitment to the world around you. Indeed the rate at which our 'lungs"are being destroyed should have our fullest attention. If trees were to dissapear completely, we would too because they provide our oxygen!

    Bravo, Ozzie girl:) You are a true gem, in so many ways:)

    *hugs*

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 9 years ago

    by Grant Gilbert AKA Slash

    Well done a very nice poem with a strong message, global warming is a huge problem that few people ever think about
    Well done

    Grant

  • 9 years ago

    by Faithless

    Lumbering tree trunks
    Hold masses of vivid greens
    Providing natural shade

    With little words you have decribe nature's forest beautifully and how it is consired home and shelter for the creatures living in the forest

    Deforestation
    Destroying vast areas
    Of this stunning wonderland

    Here I can see the dissapearing act from luscious green forest to completely bold flatten land. It is sad that they are cutting down on the natural reserve and not planning to re-plant it back

    Overall, you have worked really great on the imginery.Keep it up

    Excellent Job
    5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by TJ Arizona Eagle

    Well written in words of wisdom and intelligent information. You gave the reader all he needed to see the situation as you do , with a smooth easy flow.

  • 8 years ago

    by Devon

    Awesome! i love short poems! 5/5

  • 8 years ago

    by Em

    I really like the style of this, the emotion felt and the title = WOW! 5/5, Em xx