Landlocked

All pale, translucent skin, frail bones;
landlocked eternally in my body.

*LOVED!!!! these two lines. They are so amazing and really add a nice touch to this poem. Your imagery in this piece was excellent and I enjoyed this from start to finish. Emily said it all for me, but great job deary :) Nik*

Krista,

This is a very soulful poem, obviously a lot of time and emotion has gone into this piece. The general feel of the poem was quite chilling and a bit dark, but also incredibly sad, which works as a very good mix...:

Trapped in this canvas of darkness,
painted with charcoal and ashes.

^^ I really like the art analogy here: everyone's seen a painting in their life so it is incredibly easy to relate to. Using charcoal and ashes instead of normal paint or whatnot creates a monochrome, sad feel, and brings death into the mix.

Stuck here for what seems an eternity,
lives ending and beginning continuously.
This chagrin won't fade away to dust.

^^ The first line of this segment here tells us what is happening, not show us. You could, if you wanted, change it so we pick up that this is neverending, maybe saying about time passing or something. The second line works well for me, it seems like society still exists in this frozen painting that is a life. Third sentence - short but very concise, well done :)

All pale, translucent skin, frail bones;
landlocked eternally in my body.

^^ Interesting analogy here with being 'landlocked', if you hadn't suggested the title I would probably have picked it as it is quite interesting. We have this 'eternal' being used again, but its nice because it is the variation from eternity, so not exact repitition. Now we, as the reader, know the problem, and it is very sad, just the composition of the words tells us so.

Yes, mistakes were made in my past,
I regret them daily, wishing for a norm.
Starvation and pain wasn't worth this.

^^ The first line almost seems like you're talking to someone, like someone cares about the girl in this 'painting'. 'Daily' for me doesn't seem strong enough - it's clear that this is awful, but I think the regret should me more frequent... 'with every breath', possibly? Just an idea. Also, 'a norm', could it be reworded to 'the norm', then it seems like there is only two options: be normal or end up different, which would add to the regret and sadness. The third line to me suggests anorexia or something of the like, but in a very subtle way, and it would link with the 'frail bones' described earlier. Wonderful wording :)

Call me crazy, but I thought at my time,
I could become pretty, spread my joy.

^^ So many people our age write about this, but this is different, unique. The 'call me crazy' makes the idea sound absurd, like your audience knows better, almost like you are inferior to the reader. I like the use of 'could' instead of 'would' or something else, makes it seem like no matter how hard you try, you still might not win. The 'spread your joy' part, although it sounds lovely and happy, is very sad in a way, as she thinks the only way she could make people happy is by changing herself, with dire consequences. This is beautifully composed :)

If I was just portraying my true self,
maybe, just maybe, I could be normal.
Nothing in life mattered anymore.

^^ We return to the fact of being 'normal' or not. But, truthfully, is there a 'normal' in society? Seems that here, the normal is to be how everyone else is, whether that is being true to yourself or being fake. Which brings us back to the first line, which is penned very well. I love the 'maybe, just maybe', and how it emphasises the doubt she has. The last line has a prominant meaning, but the tense confused me a little: is she talking about the present, or talking about when she made the mistakes to try and fit in? Just a bit confusing, but otherwise it is a very powerful ending to a very powerful poem.

This is a very hard hitting poem, as I said earlier, it has a strange mix of darkness and sadness also, made even sadder by the fact that many people will regard this as 'normal' happenings in our society. The flow was wonderful, the spelling was great also. There isn't much to criticse since it ticks every box for me, so instead I have offered my honest thoughts on it :)

This gets a 5/5 from me, and by the way, well done in the contest, the four poems that came 1st, 2nd, 3rd and your HM were so, so close to judge!

Keep writing, and take care,
Emily :)

Krista,

I will tell you a secret: all people who radiate happiness are beautiful. It is a spell they cast over their audience.
First thing you need to do is find a look that is you, then you have covered the exterior. Then you decide whom you want to be and start to act upon it. See your future as a goal you are approaching with every day that passes.
One last advice: smile...once you smile it changes something inside your brain and you will feel a change...the people will start to treat you differently too when they see you smile..we all want to be around happy people, because they are like beacons in the night:)

*hugs*

5/5 Ingrid

"Stuck here for what seem an eternity,"
`Seem should be seems

"This chagrin won't fade away to dust."
`I really like the word chagrin, its one of those words that I know its a poem youve written, cause I've never seen that word used in someone elses poetry.. so that just makes you stick out to me as a poet in a unique way.. great word choice.

"Yes, mistakes were made in my past,
I regret them daily, wishing for a norm."
`I liked this, I think we all regret our mistakes.. when really we shouldnt.. and we wish things were like the norm. These two lines were completely understandable.

Hmm sad write, I could just feel that sadness seeping through every word. You did well on this, probably one of your best in a while.. I liked the length, it wasnt too short and wasnt too long.. it was perfect. Awesome title too Krista.

5/5.
Temps :]