Comments : Prose

  • 9 years ago

    by Beautiful Chaos

    "He had doe eyes that made me cry for his innocence and I wanted to believe he was a dream."

    ^ I thought this was a beautiful line, you have penned a great piece here.

    "it'll kill you someday is flickering like a cheap motel light bulb til you eventually spark and die. What the hell's the point if you're always going to be a soggy, dead thing, lying at the bottom of a pool where you cannot breathe the air."

    ^Great description and observation, it is what so many of us choose to do and sadly sometimes we don't even see it.

    I told him to find a better way to burn.

    He told me to burn in hell.

    Sometimes, I think that that's all life really is. Flickering in this deadened space, crawling and scrunching along like the dying slugs we are. Sometimes, I think it all really is a goddam hell. But that would be too poetic for this life.

    It's all just burning up inside of me.

    ^I would have been just as happy without the final line because i think the one before it was also a great ending, but I can't fault you because it was just great, a true pleasure to read, a serious subject with some whimsical undertones and good descriptions. Nice work.

  • 9 years ago

    by Sylvia

    Powerful words you have written.