It is a really neat poem,
however i feel that some of it was forced, you said you haven't written for a while etc... tak eyour time writting and you'll get some awesome poetry like I have read many time before.
there are some parts that flow beautifully and others that make me question.
shrill laughter rips
from lips that are mine
though the voice is not
the baove 3 lines seem a little forced and on't flow, prehaps it needs a little change of language, I'm not really sure to be honest, but that is just my feelings.
Out of the the 3 works i have read so far, this is by far the best. The idea behind it all was amazing and you portrayed it magnificently with your words. Great job, and amazing flow. A well deserved 5/5