Comments : A Fire That Flames

  • 9 years ago

    by Beautiful Chaos

    "Yet you carve thoughts
    upon my chambers
    like Hieroglyphs
    portraying a story."

    I think it is the last line of this stanza that I don't really enjoy, maybe a word other than story, I already assume the telling of a story with the word Hieroglyph.

    "and satisfy hearts strings
    like moth to thy flame
    while licking the lips
    of emotional desire."

    Here I am shaky on the opening line, but I love the last 3 and the passion that seems hidden behind the words.

    Overall I thought it was pretty good, nice work.

  • 9 years ago

    by Lenny

    Some lines were amazing and stood out,
    the flow was a lil off but overall vivid imagery and a beautiful experience