Comments : Offends my Mind

  • 8 years ago

    by oldthings

    Wow, I thought that was beautiful. I can't decide on my favorite lines, I think if I had to choose I would go with

    Your intrusion is an illusion,
    this secret fire is a desire.
    This thing I've brewed up is so screwed up
    I can't decide when to subside.

    from the overall feel of the poem, to me at least, I got the feeling of a love that should not be, built up and hard to let go of. That may just be becuase thats what's on my mind these days, but thats what I felt from this, and i though it was beautiful

    I also did love the last lines, though, as i liked the whole thing and choosing favorites is dificult, "all these morals causing quarrels, the fire's red whats' right is dead, this life realigned offends my mind" just wow, thats so beautiful, and sad, but sadness often is beautiful, as twisted as that sounds.
    and this was beautiful.
    great job. =)

  • 7 years ago

    by Faithless

    Jen I like the how you penned down your thoughts. Your mind is always in a state of confusion but no doubt it is worthwhile to read your thoughts. I also love the rhyme scheme that you used in this poem.

    Keep me confusing ;)