Comments : Falling for you

  • 6 years ago

    by E

    "I'm reaching for completion.. heart is barely beating,
    I'm reaching for you baby, U r what I'm seeking
    your love is what I'm needing, your smell is what I'm breathing
    Permanent Emotions, this goes way past just the weekend"

    ^^^ I can honestly say, I have never read a poem with this much... Soul in it. It's so interesting, it's like a song to me. Your words flow together VERY VERY nicely. :)

    "You got a sound heart and intelligent mind. i wanna explore this
    and let my lips examine your heart n face, cause u r so gorgeous
    So i sit on my throne with my cane. Being hailed to be King
    But I'm just dreaming On the toilet, cause I'm nothing without my queen"

    ^^^"But I'm just dreaming on the toilet." Lol. XD Everything was flowing so well in my mind, the picture was there, you, and a beautiful girl side by side in thrones, and then you wrote that, and a record scratched in my head, you know, like in the movies. I really liked this stanza.

    "constantly dreaming of your soft skin and beautiful eyes
    forever thanking God for blessing me, your a beautiful prize
    Holding you in my arms forever, cause your the perfect size
    waiting for the day you end up at my door.. a perfect surprise"

    ^^^AWWWWWWWWWWW. I love it, I love it! The rhyming was great, not awkward. It flowed really nicely. Aww. I was smiling the whole way through. That's cute. (You're not your in lines 2 and 3)

    "you raise me up with your Kindly hearted words of lifting
    my pain is shifting while the good memories move drifting
    The biggest smile arises when you saying you miss me
    Temperatures rising when your texting, come kiss me"

    ^^^I feel like I'm intruding. lol. -raises my eyebrows- " Temperatures rising when your texting, come kiss me"

    "Emily your the remedy, The perfect playing melody
    lets Heat the room up, hug me kiss me melt with me
    you make my heart melt babe. and I'm not around you
    I'm thankful for this life, cause i Finally found you"

    ^^^ Before I even started reading this, I saw "Emily your the remedy, The perfect playing melody" and I was thinking to myself: "Damn. This guy has a good way with words."

    "you give me reasons to live, reasons to breath
    When bad temptations come, you give me the reason to leave
    I want to hold you n luv you. I want you believe me
    I just hope that I'm Good enough, the way you perceive me"

    ^^^I like your rhymes in this stanza. Breath, leave, believe, perceive. Very clever.

    "I'm outside my house, and I'm out yelling.. calling for you
    To help pick me up cause Emily... I'm falling for you"

    ^^^ Aw. You're a cutie. (Says the 15 year old girl to the 20 year old man).

    Unfortunately, you stepped into my biggest pet peeve ever, which means I may or may not have a little rant about it. Text talk. Is should be capitalized and words spelled out "You" instead of "U" and "are" instead of "R", "love" instead of "luv", "and" instead of "n". I know, it's a lot easier to shorten things, but when someone's reading it, it reads a lot better with the actual spellings. And I really don't mean this to be rude, I'm typing this in the nicest way possible. lol.

    Other than that, I really, really enjoyed reading this. It painted a golden smile on my face the WHOLE time I was reading it. You, my good sir, are a beast. (In a good way.) Your rhymes are magnificent, and the flow is just amazing. The picture you paint is so good, I feel like I'm intruding. Haha.
    Great job,5/5
    Keep Writing,
    Erna

    PS. First to comment/vote! Woot!