A really strong, confident and interesting piece you have here. I must admit, I would've gladly given this a 5/5 rating, but I just felt that the second half wasn't up to the same standard because they were all the same rhyme. I think if the structure would've stayed at couplets, and at the same length, this would easily be a 5/5. It actually reminds me of Shakespeare, not exactly sure why, though. Perhaps it's where each line breaks, which is what I found so fascinating about this piece.
Usually, I'd never say this, but I would really like to see this piece with a reworked last four lines (sorry if I seem so condescending, it's just I think this piece could be even better)
P.S. Please comment and vote on every poem you read.
P.P.S. Thank you for commenting on my poem 'Sleeping Orgasm'.