Comments : Unrequited Office Lust

  • 7 years ago

    by Love Panda

    A nice little read. IBE

  • 7 years ago

    by Bradley Peter

    A really strong, confident and interesting piece you have here. I must admit, I would've gladly given this a 5/5 rating, but I just felt that the second half wasn't up to the same standard because they were all the same rhyme. I think if the structure would've stayed at couplets, and at the same length, this would easily be a 5/5. It actually reminds me of Shakespeare, not exactly sure why, though. Perhaps it's where each line breaks, which is what I found so fascinating about this piece.

    Usually, I'd never say this, but I would really like to see this piece with a reworked last four lines (sorry if I seem so condescending, it's just I think this piece could be even better)

    Brad

    P.S. Please comment and vote on every poem you read.

    P.P.S. Thank you for commenting on my poem 'Sleeping Orgasm'.

  • 7 years ago

    by Soft Parade

    Thanks Brad, I had in mind when writing the poem that towards the end my mind was racing at the thought of the subject and tried to use the same rhyme to give the sense that it was picking up pace.

    I will revise it aswell because I wrote it very quickly. Thanks for your always constructive thoughts.