Comments : Draught in the Desert (collab with lostlove1)

  • 7 years ago

    by Sylvia

    Several things were vying for my attention all at the same time, the images portrayed by your words and how seamless the collab is. Well done to both.

  • 7 years ago

    by Sungrl And Mrs Whatsit

    I can see it and I can feel it....
    and I like the experience..
    requirements for success fulfilled..
    good show..

  • 7 years ago

    by Soft Parade

    I must agree with Britt,

    "like ten thousand scarlet tongues
    licking the night sky,"

    wonderful image.

    The poem is an instant favourite.

  • 7 years ago

    by Lu

    I had to come and find the poet who penned this amazing piece with Connie and leave my comment here as well.

    Spring came early here:
    dogwood, redbud, 'zaleas bloom
    sun's close to the land,
    still far away from my heart -
    nothing grows there anymore.
    ^^
    The ending lines really grabbed me.
    Our lives or at least parts of it so closely relate to nature at times.
    Great opening that really grabs the reader !

    Dry barren desert
    replaces lush fertile fields
    parched earth mutely cries;
    where God's hand once strew manna
    burning bushes are consumed.
    ^^^
    Such solid imagery created in this stanza.
    "parched earth mutely cries;"
    ^^
    Love the originality of this line.
    mutely cries - brilliant !

    Watch how the flames rise
    like ten thousand scarlet tongues
    licking the night sky,
    ash carpets this ground; yet spring
    brings hope blooming in my heart.
    ^^^
    Oh the imagery of "ten thousand scarlet tongues
    licking the night sky,"
    is so clear that it sticks to the mind and makes me what to re-read this over and over again.

    Such a wonderfully penned collab. The flow was smooth and the word usage brilliant and the imagery created so very solid.

    Two poetic minds flowed as one throughout the entire piece.

    Wonderful read !

  • 7 years ago

    by PinkyPrincess

    Wow, first, I couldn't even tell this was a collaboration, you both have written so well and cohesively, it flows perfectly and it really feels like it's written by one author. A VERY well done collaboration indeed! You both must collaborate more! You both have talent as individual poets, but together, wow you can write amazing poetry.

    Spring came early here:
    dogwood, redbud, 'zaleas bloom
    sun's close to the land,
    still far away from my heart -
    nothing grows there anymore.

    >> you grabbed my attention from the title, but also the first stanza was perfectly written. I absolutely love the last three lines of this stanza. Beautiful!

    Dry barren desert
    replaces lush fertile fields
    parched earth mutely cries;
    where God's hand once strew manna
    burning bushes are consumed.

    >> I like the imagery you've created with this dry desert - usually nature poetry are about green scenery etc but when you read this you can tell that this desert represents something lacking or dying in a way...

    Watch how the flames rise
    like ten thousand scarlet tongues
    licking the night sky,
    ash carpets this ground; yet spring
    brings hope blooming in my heart.

    >> Beautiful ending to this lovely poem! I love how there's still hope and it makes the reader smile while imagining the portrait you've painted together.

    Amazing collaboration and congratulations on the win! You both deserve it =D

  • 7 years ago

    by Meme

    Wonderful piece

    really enjoyed reading it :)