Comments : No longer...

  • 7 years ago

    by Liliana

    So beautiful and honest in the end, I love it 5/5

  • 7 years ago

    by Jenni

    There is no happy ending but lets begin
    Hearts broken, dreams are shattered
    What once was so perfect and sweet
    Now it does not even matter

    ^ This stanza draws the reader in directly, it encourages him/her to think about your words and makes them curious. I can only speak for myself but I was wondering what caused the speaker to say this.

    The words I love you that I held so dear
    Now pass away like a fierious storm
    Leaving me with pain and a broken heart
    Emptiness has now been born

    ^ I'd recommend you to put "I love you" in quotation marks. The comparison you chose fits really well to the situation since storms come surprisingly and destroy a lot of things. It is the same with love, its ending is never expected yet when it comes it leaves nothing but pain.

    Oh the sweet memories that never ended
    Staying up late and talking for hours
    Many nights watching the stars together
    And surprising you with dozens of flowers

    ^ The way you continued was really well, especially because once things are over humans tend to remember those things that they should of cherished more when they were to happen still. This stanza also shows that the speaker and the person spoken about were really close otherwise they would not of shared those experiences and moments.

    The shooting stars that I wished upon
    That one day you would be my wife
    Have fallen into ashes upon the earth
    True love, that once had so much life

    ^ This is really heartbreaking because the emotions and words are very powerful. It's a huge responsability to marry, which the speaker was willing to take but now he realized that regardless how much he'd want to do it, it won't happen no more. You also painted a vivd image using "shooting stars" and "ashes". While shooting stars reflect hope, ashes show an ending.

    So as I look back and see the ashes
    I can see this perfect life set before me
    No longer will I let myself think of you
    Because honestly, we were not meant to be

    ^ This ending is sad as well as positive because on one hand the relationship that was so dear once is over but on the other hand it offers to try new things and walk other paths.
    Overall I think that this is a really heartfelt and good poem. It was a pleasure reading because flow and rhyme were good too.

  • 7 years ago

    by Owner of an Untamed Heart

    Two words. incredibly depressing. 5/5