Comments : Blank Piece

  • 5 years ago

    by Xanthe

    "It's already two o'clock in the morning,
    My mind was still awake
    While holding this pen,
    and a blank piece...."
    Great start, but I think it'll be better if the last line was: "and a blank piece of paper". it'll flow better and the reader won't be wondering what piece you're holding.

    "Staring from nothing...
    Drowning in a deep thoughts;"
    How bout: "Staring at nothing..."? And remove 'a' because the object (thoughts) is plural.

    "But, it was so hard to find
    the exact word hanging in my mind..."
    I'm fond of how you penned this. The way you said find the words in your mind meant you know those words, but you seem to not remember them. Nice..

    "Though, inside me...there was a soul;
    Fervent me to wake me up;"
    Well-penned..

    "Whispering of thousand words,"
    of--a

    "My fingers were stiffed,soft and boneless..."
    Change 'stiffed' to stiff because the other verbs are in the present form..

    Overall a well-written piece. I can very much relate to this.. When I try to write at night, and sleep was "Teasing me...to give up..."

    Great write 5/5 :)

    -X

  • 5 years ago

    by Yrem Crish

    Thanks:=)

  • 5 years ago

    by elijah

    Wow very well written n true for many I know this has happened to me several times before

  • 5 years ago

    by Yrem Crish

    Yeah...I hardly find some words to write last night...I wake up late...

  • 5 years ago

    by GodLovesEverbody

    I love it, you use your words well and sweep people off there feet :) Great work.

  • 5 years ago

    by Yrem Crish

    Thanks:=)

  • 5 years ago

    by Just A Stupid Girl

    I really like this. You really put your emotions into it and that helps make great poems vgood job :)

  • 5 years ago

    by DirgeVenustas

    It's already two o'clock in the morning,
    My mind was still awake
    While holding this pen,
    and a blank piece of paper....

    Staring from nothing...
    Drowning in deep thoughts;
    And grasping those words
    that fully cluttered inside my mind...

    Trying to write down the first line of my poem;
    Wishing it sounds good to rhyme,
    But, it was so hard to find
    the exact word hanging in my mind...

    Time unnoticed swept away;
    My mind starts to doomed,????????????
    and narrowed slowly,???????????
    Those eyes which formerly fighting of somnolent???????????
    Trigger the pain and bitterness,
    Teasing me...to give up...

    Though, inside me...there was a soul;
    Fervent me to wake me up;
    Whispering a thousand words,
    Echoed and danced to my senses...

    I hold my pen again, tightly;
    But I feel so dumped...lifeless,??????
    My fingers were stiff, soft and boneless...
    Until the light fathomed into my sight, (that makes no sense)
    Dazed from the morning grace
    And (finally) realized
    the blank piece was on my side...

    wow your grammar for this poem was terrible. no offense. some of this is just plain incoherent. i couldn't find any rhyming whatsoever and most of this made no sense whatsoever. some stanzas were good though, i liked the imagery of looking at a blank piece of paper with the thoughts of what you want to write. i don't see how the title connects with the piece however. again the incoherence of this poem left me a little flustered, it seems you added some words just to sound more intellectual then this piece dictated, seemed like you used words that you didn't know the meaning of. i think you should re-write this to make a better story really. you also used improper usage of some words. this poem has a lot of potential but lacking. id give this a solid 2.5 out of 5.

  • 5 years ago

    by Max

    To be honest the grammar was so bad in this poem
    try to redo then edit+
    "While holding this pen,
    and a blank piece of paper...."
    well piece of paper ruins the flow better try something else well i suggest "a blank paper piece" easier to read like tat over all it was good full of emotions but this time 4/5 only keep on =)

  • 5 years ago

    by Yrem Crish

    Okey..i will check it again..but thanks for that suggestion..

  • 5 years ago

    by Giegielove Goddess Poet

    Excellent! I like the way you express your feelings here! 5/5

  • 5 years ago

    by jaime

    Wow, I really liked this poem

  • 5 years ago

    by Yrem Crish

    Thanks...

  • 5 years ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    I really liked this

  • 5 years ago

    by Lofallenve

    I love how your wrote this. :) There are many times myself where I am sitting trying to get the words that have free reign in my head out on paper. Good job!
    5/5

  • 5 years ago

    by HeartxoxHeroine

    Nice :D 5/5

  • 5 years ago

    by DarkLight

    Wow..i do like ua way of expressin things..gud one.5/5

  • 5 years ago

    by PETER EDWARDS

    I liked this poem. Ok I know the grammar may not of been correct always, lengths of lines varying etc,
    BUT I was captivated by the image that leapt out of the page at me, and that surely has to be the mark of a good Poet?
    Someone who has that special gift of being able to
    construct a vivid picture from the use of words.
    Your poem made me feel that I was there watching you putting pen to paper.
    You bought it all to life for me by your words..
    Thankyou..

  • 5 years ago

    by William Mae

    A wonderful expression of the struggle to pen emotions into sensible thought. Many times I've set and fought between the blank paper and my mind. I loved the poem.

  • 5 years ago

    by Finding myself

    Great write keep up the good work