Comments : Summer Day's

  • 5 years ago

    by Marvellous

    ..pretty grand! Good job.

  • 5 years ago

    by Marvellous

    ..pretty grand! Good job.

  • 5 years ago

    by Marvellous

    ..pretty grand! Good job.

  • 5 years ago

    by BlueJay

    Summer Days

    ^^ I like the idea of a simple to the point title. I really like this one though, because it doesn't give away the relms of summer you are going to be expressing. Lovely.

    There's nothing like a warm summer day
    Wind blowing through your hair
    All the kids begin to shout hooray
    as the Sun begins to stare

    ^^ A fantastic beginning stanza that drew me in, excellent. The descriptions are nice and subtle because they sound like the start of a story not like a choppy list made of your surroundings because you were forced to use description. I also like the almost invisible use of personification (I guess that is much more popular than I believed)

    Summer skies are shining down
    making the water sparkle and gleam
    There's nothing but smiles all around
    as Summers heated love begins to steam.

    ^^ summers should be summer's, I think. The descriptions are again simple yet they really give a nice view of summer in your eyes. I like the way you knocked out love and water without mentioning crystal waters.

    Picnics under a shaded tree
    Fresh tea cooled by the ice
    Friends and family gather free
    Joined together by Summer's device

    ^^ I like this stanza a lot, it brought back some really fun summertime memories, and though it has a personal connection it is also a magnificent stanza and I'm sure other people are connected to it as I am. Oh and yet another word scratched off the list, congrats.

    The fresh grass scent roams in the air
    as Summer's vortex begins to close
    Summer winds say " you take care "
    as it to quickly begins to doze.

    ^^ I think you used the wrong "to" I think you mean "too" but I could be wrong. I like the dialouge and the personification as a means to help end the piece, that was lovely, thank you.

    Over all I really really like this piece. I'm very glad you entered it, because it was a perfect first place. I love the way you write such sort pieces yet they mean so much. Thank you for writing. Congrats.

    5/5

    ~MRK

  • 5 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    This is really refreshing... it reminds me of carefree summers of just lounging out, swimming, cookouts, all that good stuff... before life set in and work took over my life hahaha. anyway, nature poems always give me a wonderful serene feeling that makes me feel warm inside...especially yours since its theme is summer! can just feel those sun rays glowin across my skin, lovw it!

  • 2 years ago

    by The Fairy Mary Poppins

    The first stanza made me smile I can't help it but whenever I see the imagery in my head I just smile especially if it has children in it since I want to be a mother o so badly and I can just imagine this the children playing in the playground with their hair flowing and them laughing o what joy ( not a pedifile I just want to have children one day!) I enjoyed the first stanza the most it's my favorite and will always be my favorite in this poem I love it and I love that the rest of the poem flows but after the first stanza I think you went more into another thing just a little since you mentioned children but I guess it was just about the nature if that is the case then congratulations you made a wonderful poem! 5/5

    -Mori