Comments : Ashita Imasu...(I love.you...)

  • 11 years ago

    by Morte Nera

    Well into detail
    it painted me a very good mental pic.

  • Firstly, just a few typos:
    'canser' should be 'cancer' perhaps even a capital C at the beginning I dont know for sure..

    'gripp' should be 'grip'

    I really like this dedication to your mum (?).
    Instead of pin-pointing on a positive aspect you have chosen her last moments - and this has had a really powerful effect. You have shown she is strong for holding on to those words until the end and that she also loves you very much .. A mothers love is so beautiful in its ability to withstand through the toughest situations, and to overcome all.

    This is an amazing write that you should be really proud of. I particularly loved how you didnt alter her dying words to the english version as it has made it that much more beautiful, significant and powerful.

    You also have managed to pace the poem really well and have chosen your words and structure with care to detail. Such raw emotion can be seen throughout this piece. I really do love it.

    Finally, I am sorry for your loss. I am sure she was an amazing woman and that she will be watching over you until the day you meet again. Cancer is tenacious and brutal, and its so sad that many have died from such an illness. We can only hope that a cure will be found soon. May your mother rest in peace.

    5/5