Comments : Secrets

  • 11 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Good title choice - very mysterious as to what the secrets are which nmake the reader have to open the poem to find out!

    Secrets kept,
    Secrets told,
    Truths are hidden,
    And truths unfold.

    - Love the opening, it flows straight away and has quite a fast flow which kind of works while you are firstly just stating these simple facts.

    Secrets took
    Away my phone
    And ffor 10 months
    I was alone

    - the third line has an error, ffor should read for. This leaves a bit of curiosity about what the secrets are and why your phone was taken away from you?

    Nowadays
    I am more open
    But the secrets I keep
    Still leave me broken

    - i like how you have shown how you feel you have moved on, but these secrets are still affecting you.

    The life I had
    Was full of lies
    When people hear it
    They seem surprised

    - again adding mystery and leaving the reader wanting to know more about these lies?

    They act as is
    I was never good
    If I had told them sooner
    They would have never understood

    - first line has an error, it should read as if, at the moment it reads as is. The mystery is still here about what the secret is that you are hiding and what exactly you told them and want them to understand?

    I needed freedom
    And I needed a life
    I needed a distraction
    From dragging the knife

    - I like how you relate to self harming through the knife withouting mention anything else, It works and you kow exactly what you mean.

    My knife is now gone
    And I am more alive
    But I still keep my pain
    Locked up inside

    - again, it is like you feel like you have moved on but there is still so much inside you that is stopping you from moving on further.

    I Know the memories
    Will haunt me 'til my end
    But at least I have people
    Who care and are my friends

    - although this is very true, it is good to have friends, the memories haunt you less and less the more you let people in and deal with the secrets instead of hiding them inside.

    This was a good poem, just a few errors in typing to fix. i like the fact you do not let on to what the secrets are - you leave it up to the reader to decide.

    Good Job.

  • 11 years ago

    by Jhierren Paz

    Nice poem, I love it, so true, I can totally relate myself to this. Thanks for sharing this piece of your writing. ;D