Comments : She's In Love

  • 5 years ago

    by losing myself

    I love the emotion in this, really good poem(:

  • 5 years ago

    by Terry Hume

    I like the sentimentality in this poem. It is obvious anyone reading this can see it in the words you use. I am fond of the line "to build her life's bouquet". Seems like her life will be filled with flowers. There are a few errors in grammar as in "lie" should be "lies". The word "own" is unecessary. I would also delete "by her feminity", that adds nothing to the poem and weighs it down. Also I would write it as "her smile like stars". This is just a suggestion mind you but the poem is more powerful this way:

    As she lies in the softness
    her beauty is magnified,
    her smile like stars.
    her face adoring.

    I bring her flowers
    and build her a life of bouquets.

    I water them so they don't wither.

    I just think it more powerful that way. I really enjoyed the poem. Keep writing and how lucky you both are to have each other.