Comments : Life's Measurements (Quatern)

  • 4 years ago

    by Larry Chamberlin

    Well done. Lines & syllables correct, refrain progresses properly. I like your rhythm also; your decision to use free verse is fine.

    Stanza One:
    Good development of the metaphor: measuring by counting on your fingers, losing track because it's overwhelming - so much to keep track of.

    Third stanza:
    You show a different kind of measurement: hand touching, fingers feeling gentleness.

  • 4 years ago

    by Chelsey

    Mmm Sar youve melted me with this..I find Quaterns difficult simply because that refrain you pick has to make sense in each stanza, no revising it...I love the beauty in this piece and how well that refrain worked for you!!

    This is one heck of a spot on Quantern! Well done!! :)

    • 4 years ago

      by PinkyPrincess

      Aww thanks Chels! It was my first attempt at a quatern so I'm glad it turned out okay :)

  • 4 years ago

    by Darren

    What a great quatern,

    loved the refrain, works very well throughout.

    It is almost a poem within itself, that one line says so much.

    good to see you writing again.

  • 4 years ago

    by The Poet Behind The Poems

    Well what else can I say I agree with the above
    You really did show your talents with this piece

    Awesome :)

  • The refrain you chose fit extremely well within each stanza and I suppose this is an ode to your writing as well as your choice in words. However, I at first got the impression that this refrain was quite sad, though I know it was never intended to be because when I think of measuring life on our fingers I get the impression that it's not bound to last - ten years (it is a long time, but not a lifetime). BUT, you have effectively combated this impression with the following lines:

    'I count my memories with you
    Losing track because you're my all;
    we've spent a decade together.'

    ^^
    So basically, all I've said above is rather pointless, haha.

    The beautiful simplicity of the piece reflected the tone rather nicely and described the peaceful love story within the poem perfectly.

    As I said above the refrain was an excellent choice that fit the whole of the poem wonderfully - and I know how difficult that in itself is! Also, I must say, the refrain didn't at all seem forced at any point within the poem - with each stanza it seemed as though it was meant to be there. This is just further proof of your talent as a writer. (:

    Overall,
    A beautiful, beautiful poem. You have aced the Quatern - bring on Larry's next challenge! haha. (:

    Five/Five