Comments : Can I Sleep Forever?

  • 4 years ago

    by The Poet Behind The Poems

    What a creative piece of writing I love this

    Nomination and favourites

    This is awesome !!

  • 4 years ago

    by Meme

    OMG!! Saraaaaaa @_@

    This is one of the best poems you have written, if not the best of them all!!!

    I am in love with this darker side of your poetry, the emotions here feel so insanely capturing. I was instantly intrigued, overwhelmed, interested. I can relate to this in someway and I can tell you how much I amazed by it.

    You should write like this more, I reckon ;)

    xxx

  • 4 years ago

    by Yakori bint Muhammed

    Wow! This is quiet different from your regular writes. It's intriguing and captures one into the moment of agony. It has melancholy clouding it with strings of uncertainty lurking around it. Though it has a gloomy tone to it one can feel some sort of peace hidden somewhere while reading it.

    This to me depicts when one is incompatible with a close friend or perhaps a lover most likely. One might have experienced some moments of incompatibility in which it escalated to 'maybe' fights and volumes of altercations. Its obvious that the moments spent with this person was definitely shrouded in anxiety, misery and uncertainty of what to do next. Then luckily you find your way out of the chaos. However, even though that person is freed physically, pshycologically he/she is destabilised. Life seem to take a turn for the worse when its night time. As memories hunt you, making you uncomfortable and petrified.
    Only when that person gets to sleep that peace rains in his/her mind and moment in life. Its then you feel relaxed and happy when you sleep off.

    Whatsoever that might cause the problem. Never should we tolerate any sort of abuse or fights that may ensue between friends or most likely couples. Such can result to serious emotional and mental disorientation. It shouldn't be condoned. If problem persist, family and social welfare should be notified. Better still separate or divorce for the betterment of each others life.

    Lovely composition and deep message it carries and I'm sure its relatable to all. Directly or indirectly.
    Kudos! Dear...

  • 4 years ago

    by Jenni

    Although your title intruiged me I feel as though it lacks something more due to its simplicity. The fact that it is phrased as a question made me think that the persona might be obedient in a way because it sounds as though she was asking for permission (completely ignoring the possibility). Usually when people write about sleeping forever it sounds like a less dramatic way of dying, but in this case it felt different to me and that although I hadn't even read the poem.
    Supposedly it's been proven that staying in bed over the day is depressng, which I thought was rather interesting and wouldn't necessarily give the rest the persona is looking for, but since she actually wants to sleep it is a different case.

    However to the poem itself: To me it was important that you immediately emphasized that some of my questions would go unanswered by presenting the personas unawareness. This caused me to read your poem more closely to get the most out of it.
    Something must have happened in the past that overwhelmed the persona. I actually like the mystery.. you do tell a lot of visual details, but keep most of the story to yourself, that makes the poem vivid and individual if you understand what I mean.

    Enjoyed the read a lot! :)

  • Sara, Sara, Sara... how I love that you are apart of LTFR - we are truly honoured.

    I wouldn't say this is hardcore dark poetry, but it does contain subtle hints which are genuinely effective. I feel that the subtlety gives rise to the feeling of unknown, to msytery which is often considered one of the biggest fears overall. Your word choice and arrangement plays a massive role here which you have used to the best of your ability. I will agree with others, this is definitely among your best poems.

    As Yakori said, this sounds as though it is mistrust between two lovers which brings with it a whole other depth to the piece because there is always about ten different versions of the one story as well as a whole other cocktail of emotions. It appears that you have almost drugged yourself in order to sleep, to suppress the inner turmoil at what this lover's fight has brought on in terms of emotional discontent, and by doing so you have forgotten all that has occurred in your unconsciousness. I think you have killed this boyfriend of yours in a fit of rage and only now are the memories coming back but so is his ghost to haunt you forever.

    This piece is truly intriguing and expertly written.

    Nominated and Favourited.

    Five/Five

  • 4 years ago

    by Amreen

    This is an awesome piece..... I loved the darkness it revealed.... Deep and intense...!
    Fantastic!