That was so different, so intriguing to read, so interesting to go through. It was like a scene in a movie where two people get to live that moment only for a short time before snapping back to reality.
And that ending, that I did not expect at all to be honest. Butthe twist it added just made that whole piece perfect.
You girls did and amazing job with this one.
5 years ago
by Tara Kay
Girls! You rock the socks off of poetry, especially when you write about love and men and all that,
Chelsey, that attitude you have is what really stands out in your love poetry and together this piece is like a bullet to the heart, with all that pain and emotion and heartache but the gentleness in places is really sweet and different.
Amazing write girls!!
5 years ago
I thought this was great up until I got to the end, then I realized it's brilliant!
Laying beside you on a cold evening
while my head rests on your chest,
I can feel the music your body composes
and my heart dances to its melody.
^This is sweet and portrays a type of innocence of being in love. Just laying with the person in silence, listening to heartbeats.
I'm wrapped in sheets, in completion,
and all I can breathe is air that sets
a match to my lungs. Fiery inhalation
and I love it this way. My insides
burning for you.
^Pulling passion into the poem, I love the use of the word Fiery inhalation.
There was no way of controlling
this devouring moment. All I could
do was indulge every inch of you,
a taste unfamiliar to the one I know.
^Lust. Oh my gosh, this stanza is great! I feel like this could have a ton of different meaning as in what the taste could be pertaining to. The taste of lips of someone who isn't initially yours. The taste of a woman you shouldn't be with, maybe. Lots of things come to mind. And to indulge in someone the way this describes is great.
I can hear the echoes of my thoughts
taunting me with every syllable.
My body was frozen in time
but I knew... this could only last
one more night.
^Guilt? Again this could mean a lot of different things.
I know I can only borrow you
for a few guilty moments
but I savor your kisses
until I have to go back
... to him
^ This stanza makes the poem. It adds a whole different meaning to it and brings out how raw and sweet the emotions behind this is. It brings perfection into this lovely write.
As I continued to read it pulled me more and more into the situation and the stakes at risk.
I'm not the biggest fan of the form in some parts, I feel it's meshed together and would be easier to read it it weren't. My only critique.
Forgive me if I mistranslated this, but I thought to get my thoughts out there. This is truly a wonderful poem from the both of you.